Some favorites

So, some of our new favorite meals are likely going to stay even as we add in more foods (which we are thankfully starting to do!).  Pray for us!

Cabbage, apples and bacon (cook bacon in pieces, pour off all but 1 T of grease, add chopped red cabbage (1 small head) and 5 chopped apples (any kind, organic, of course...these are on the dirty dozen list!)

Spaghetti squash and meatballs (3 pounds of ground beef or lamb or pork with 4 cloves diced garlic, zest of 1 large lemon, 1 T oregano, sea salt to taste).  Roast spaghetti squash, then scoop out into a pan to finish off.

Sweet potatoes, ground beef (or pork) and zucchini (we often add chopped cilantro and/or garlic)

Plantain and apple fritters (mash up ripe plantains, blend with a peeled, grated apple, pan-fry)

Do you have any favorite foods that follow the Autoimmune Paleo Approach?  Please do share!

Health Update

Last August, my kids and I took a big step in our health journey (begrudgingly by one of us) after being diagnosed in June with leaky gut syndrome, caused by heavy metal poisoning (from my amalgam fillings because it crossed the placenta).  My second son has been sick on and off ever since he stopped nursing at age 3 1/2 (with IBS symptoms); so, he was used to our attempts to help his body heal (with no sugar or starches for 3-week periods).  But, my oldest has had the least physical symptoms and the least reactions to foods; but, he has had an increase in his emotional outbursts and has become increasingly more sensitive to a growing number of foods (one of the early signs of leaky gut syndrome).

First, let me tell you we have been working under the guidance of our chiropractor, a naturopathic doctor, a holistic dentist, and our integrative health pediatrician and another integrative health practitioner (for me).  They advised us that because allergy screenings are not 100% accurate that the elimination diet and "trial and error" methods were most successful for the ages of my children.

So, our goal has been to stop eating what is harming us (causing inflammation) and flood our bodies with nutrient-dense foods and probiotics. In this journey, we have also discovered many answers to why we are sick.

I had been praying for healing and was searching for a recipe on Pinterest when a bunch of "Autoimmune Paleo" recipes lit up the screen.  I did some research and discovered it wasn't much different from what we were currently eating; but, we could not have nuts or seeds or eggs.  So, I prayed some more; and, the message I got was to proceed.  It also involves making sure we get enough sleep and enough sun (for Vitamin D production) and enough exercise.

So, since August, my kids and I have NOT had:  sugar, eggs, dairy, gluten or any grains (rice, etc.), nuts, seeds, chocolate, beans, or nightshade vegetables.

We HAVE had lots of pasture raised meat, bone broth, organic vegetables and fermented water kefir and fermented vegetables.  We also have discovered some new foods we love and enjoy, like plantains (which make great pancakes and blend great with canned salmon for salmon patties, in place of eggs) and liver pate.

We are starting to add foods back, carefully and prayerfully, so that our bodies can be healthy (and so we can maintain our health).  I have felt like we have been eating too much meat and a book I am reading right now confirmed that our bodies are likely on the acidic side of the pH scale, which is probably why it seems like we have "plateaued" in our progress.  We should have started adding foods before now; but, I got nervous when my oldest had a reaction to adding back ghee, which I thought would be totally safe.

I will share more of our NEW favorite recipes and some things that we will likely keep the same as we continue our journey and maintain our health in future posts.

But, for now I want to let you know a little bit of WHY we are sick.  First, if we weren't going through this, we would not be able to share what we have learned with you.  Second, our environment is increasingly more toxic (how many of you have a cell phone in your pocket right now?) and our soil has less and less nutrients.  So, every thing we breathe, every thing we put on our body and every thing we eat affects our health.  Over time, the toxins (that our bodies can't process) build up in our bodies in different places, causing health problems sooner or later, depending on each individual.  Leaky gut syndrome is just beginning to be studied; but, it has been suspected, by numerous sources, to be the precursor to EVERY autoimmune disease.  Literally, food particles leaked through my gut (and my children's) and started building up in our bodies, causing our immune system to fight them, causing them to reject a growing number of foods--a process we have hopefully halted.

Pray for us and I will pray for you.  I believe God is leading me to become a Holistic Nutrition Counselor.  I hope to share more soon.  Go eat some organic vegetables!

Words Always Matter

What we say, even in passing, matters.  We are either making people feel like they matter...or we are not.  My 6yo son had me in tears yesterday.  He recounted something I said to him in passing.  And, I realized how important ALL of my words are.

He told me, "Remember yesterday when I got the cart for you and you said, "What would I do without you?"-that made me feel really good and special."

I meant it.  But, I did not think it mattered.  Boy was I wrong!

We were in Chicago this week on Tuesday, visiting the Museum of Contemporary Art with my sister and her girls.  Then, we went to a special lunch at LYFE (Love Your Food Everyday) Kitchen nearby (thankfully, they can accommodate all of our allergies!).  Since we were so close, we fed the meter again and I took the boys to Water Tower Place.  We went to Macy's first to look for a replacement gift for their dad; and, after they endured that, we went to...the Lego store!  Not only did they get to see all of the latest and greatest Lego sets; but, they were also asked if they wanted to make a polar bear to take home (free Legos!) and then they were given the Lego magazine and a Lego keychain (all for free...we got to play and did not have to buy anything!).

Then, as we had planned, before visiting my sister at home (and to eat dinner and wait out traffic before hitting the road), we went to get some things we needed and can often only get from Whole Foods.  We parked in the parking garage and were told we could grab a cart inside.  Well, I never saw the carts and looked all over near the entrance and could not find any.  Then, my son spotted them and pointed me in the right direction (right next to the escalator we had just taken down!).  And, I said, in gratitude, "What would I do without you?".  Unknowingly, I had just made his day.

He made my day when he told me about it. 

The sad part is that he was reminded of that good feeling because I had been using my words in anger just a moment before, likely making him feel not so good.  We had had a rough day with relationship building (disrespectfulness, disobedience, ingratitude) and homeschooling; and, in that moment, with my son's words to me, I realized I was not helping.  I was making it worse.  God was giving me a chance to be redeemed.  He used my son.  He often speaks to me through my children.  When I am at the end of my rope, when I need Him most.  Thank you, Lord.

All Mixed Up

So, last week, my one-year-old pulled the cord on our only laptop and sent it crashing to the ground, smashing it in on the side by the power cord.

I thought it was working until the end of the day...when it wasn't.

So, my husband took it to the computer guy the next morning and they thought it was as simple as replacing a part.  But, they had to order it and it would be between 3-5 days.  Okay.

So, I waited.

Patiently. 

Sort of.

I had a mix of relief (having an excuse for not being able to reply to email for awhile) and dread (ironically, because of the aforementioned emails piling up).  I like "unplugging" every once in awhile; but, it has to be totally planned (half-kidding).

And, then...THEN...the part did not work.  And, THEN, a simple act of curiosity by my son ended in a search for a new computer (my husband did that job!).  Exhale.  Nothing more to do...other than think of an appropriate punishment for a one-year-old (kidding!).

So Be It

Amen means, "so be it."  Speaking it at the end of a prayer, have you ever thought about it more?  Uttering it when you agree with the words someone else is speaking, have you realized how much weight it carries?  Amen!

We are saying, essentially, "Hey God, I know you've got this."  Amen.  We are saying, "I will accept whatever You have planned."  Amen.  We are saying, "I trust you."  Amen.  We are saying, with that ONE word, "It is all in Your hands, now."

Amen.

Psalm 46:10

We finally got in our "Family Fun Day" at the beach (for completing our month-of-no-electronics challenge).  But, really, we need more excuses to take these; somehow, a day at the beach makes us feel like we have been gone for three, five if it's the ocean.  We went up to Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, which is just 2 hours from us.  On the way home, we picked up some "clean" (freshly made, no allergens) carryout from a restaurant in Rockford.

So, while we were at the beach, my now 1-year-old fell asleep nursing (as he often does) and slept for a couple of hours in my arms, in the shade, with the wind blowing and sun, sky and sand all around.  While I was sitting there holding him (I really did try to put him down; but, I enjoy holding him when I can), I started to feel antsy, like I could not let this day go by.  I started feeling like I needed to "carpe diem" and have as much fun as possible and, and, and...

And, then I heard His voice, "Be still and know that I am God".

And, then I relaxed.  I felt better about just being still and watching my boys and husband enjoy the day.  And, I continued to enjoy holding my baby boy.

I had heard those words before.  The next day, I came across that very scripture (that I did not even know I knew) and knew that the Holy Spirit had been working on me that day.

Pee at the End of the Toilet Paper

Yes.  Sigh.  I was with a book group a few weeks ago, getting to know some ladies, reading the book, "Scary Close" together.  We had been talking about how everyone puts their best moments-their "highlight reel"-on social media.  So, I asked them if they wanted to hear how, that morning, as I went to the bathroom before coming to the host's home, I pondered that it (the bathroom) was the only room I had managed to get clean; but, for some reason, it was no longer clean.  There was, in fact a very messy sink and a puddle of toilet paper on the floor.  As I pulled up the toilet paper to use, I realized there was in fact, an ACTUAL puddle of pee at the end of the toilet paper.  Because we were on our way out the door, I just sighed. 

Everyone said, "YES!" those are the moments they wanted to hear about!

Such a moment is a perfect segue for a day like today, when I found myself still in my pajamas at, um, noon.  Not the relaxed, still in my jammies kind of day, either.  More like the frustrated-because- my-(almost)-1-year-old-is-NOT-sleeping-well-tried-to-take-a-shower-all-morning-or-at-least-put-on-my-contacts-not-sure-I-am-going-to-get-anything-done kind of day.  So, I cried.  Not a whimper.  A loud, ugly cry.  And, I called my husband with my loud ugly cry.  And, thankfully, he said, try to remember to pray first.  Exhale.  I love him.  I needed that for some reason.  I had been trying all morning to do the next right thing, because EVERYTHING was overwhelming!  But, I was NOT succeeding at all.  Did I pray?  I don't know.

But, prayer helps, if only because it gives me time to pause.  Give Him my worries, even for just seconds.  It helps.  Pray first.  Inhale.  Exhale.  The next right thing to do is apparently, to breathe.  To sigh is just to exhale.  I forgot to pray.  I forgot to breathe. 

Autoimmune Paleo

Well, our doctor did not say we were doing anything wrong with our elimination diet.  But, I had been feeling like something was still preventing us from healing from leaky gut syndrome.

So, I prayed about it.

Then, one day a couple of weeks ago, I was on Pinterest looking up a recipe for something and all over the screen were "autoimmune paleo" recipes.  It was enough to spark my curiosity.  So, I dug in to researching it. 

These ladies at, http://autoimmune-paleo.com/ have a really helpful blog with recipes and information.  And, I want to read her book, http://aiplifestyle.com/what-is-autoimmune-protocol-diet/.

I feel God led us to this way of eating (even if it is only temporary).  My boys and I are trying it for 1 month, possibly 2.  Then, we will start adding back foods to see if we have a reaction to them.

We were already known to be sensitive to many of the foods on this "diet" (I hate that word).  And, the other items we have to cut out (dairy and nuts and seeds and all starches and eggs) just make sense for healing our guts.

Day 4 into this and I am already feeling better.  Sorry if it is too much information, but, my hemorrhoids are MUCH improved.  Already.  If you have hemorrhoids, folks, cut out nuts and seeds so they can heal.  Totally makes sense.

We are enjoying many foods.  The hardest thing is to limit fruit.  Fructose from fruit is harder on our bodies than sugar (sucrose)...and, that goes for everyone, btw!

Will you pray for us as we continue our journey toward healing? 

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The Challenge Report

I am actually surprised to report that NO ONE--not my 6 year old, not my 9 year old--complained about not watching videos or doing any electronic entertainment for the entire month.  It is strange...and awesome...the power of "a challenge".  Did I mention that my husband and I did not watch videos all month either?  To be fair.

There were many times I was tempted to "treat" them with a video because they were doing so well.  But, I abstained; and, I believe we were all the better for it.

Some pretty cool things happened this month.  My kids sought me out--to tell me a story, to play with me, to tell me about their picture, to tell me what is funny in a book they are reading.  I loved overhearing their many conversations with each other about whatever they had cooked up in their imaginations.  I loved that they made time for their baby brother.  I loved that they did their chores without any reward (how many times have a said, "no electronics until your chores are done"?). I loved that they did not become obsessed with binge watching a show they like on Netflix (ugh).  I love that we did much more together than it seemed we had before (bike rides, games, walks).

So, I like (love!) all of those things.  I was feeling disconnected.  And, I feel we need to continue to nurture and build on our connection/s.  So...

It's hard to decide what to do now.  We have one day decided...on the first of August, the boys do not have to do chores before they watch a video (their one "free" day).  And, we decided 2 hours was a decent time so that they could watch a movie if they wanted. 

I don't know if we will subscribe to Netflix again.  I feel like it is less intentional...like we just mindlessly search for something to watch.  The boys weighed in at dinner regarding all of this.  We will likely just have 3 videos (or 2 hour slots) per week--one for the family, two on their own.  For tomorrow, we rented, "Annie" (the newest version).

Did I mention the reward?  More of what we love.  Each other!  We told them that we would have a family fun day and asked what that looks like.  They want to go to the beach; so, we are going to try to make that happen in the next couple of weeks.  We might also surprise them with a trip to the drive-in theatre (which they, nor I, have ever been!).  It depends on what's playing.  Or, a trip to recreate our wedding engagement at Navy Pier, with a picnic in the park and a ride on the Ferris Wheel.

The Challenge

So, we got Netflix a few months ago.  I thought we would like the educational documentaries.  I do...but, I don't think anyone else has watched nary a one.

Other than one free day/week (considering making it 1-2x/month), my kids have to earn 1 hour of screen time after they have:  played outside, finished their chores and completed their schoolwork.  I feel like that is generous; but, I may be out in left field on that.

We don't have cable TV and we don't get any free TV channels.  We do have a tablet and a laptop and one TV for programs and movies we want to watch.  The only thing my husband misses is sports events; but, he often checks scores on his favorite teams and somehow doesn't seem like he is missing anything at all.

And still, I feel like our family needs to deepen our connection...

So, I proposed a challenge to my family last week:  1 month (31 days) of no screens (for entertainment).  I told them our reward would be a super family fun day (everyone voted for the beach...my husband voted for Hawaii...I WISH!).  But, I was surprised there were no complaints! 

We will see how we do for a MONTH; but, so far (day one), so good!

Health Update

Well, my youngest son has now started showing signs that he is ALSO having digestive distress.  He is having very similar symptoms as me and my other 6-year-old son.  If you need details, he has a lot of excess gas (no matter what I eat) and loose stool.

After our doctor visits last week (for each of us), we found out lots of good information; but, we are still left with the frustration of "trial and error" processes.

We had suspected I had IBS-D.  Now, they are saying we all have, "leaky gut syndrome" and it tends to be hereditary.  One of the most frustrating things about this diagnosis is that we are pretty healthy and we have always eaten really healthfully--mostly whole foods, made from scratch.  Nothing fake.  Not much processed.  So frustrating. 

Anyway, what I learned this time around is...

• Inflammation holds fat.  Ah!  So, that is why I have had such a hard time "whittling my middle".  Interesting.
• If I wasn't doing anything to repair the damage to my gut, my body would continue to attack more and more foods.  I feel like that has been happening over time...even before I saw major symptoms.
• Your food doesn't get chewed anymore after you swallow.  Yes, yes, yes.  I knew this.  I know this.  I need to chew better (because I have a harder time grinding my food with my cross bite).  I have been concentrating on chewing thoroughly these last few days.  It's hard with three kids; but, I know it is very important
• I am sustaining my digestive system by taking probiotics and enzymes; but, I am not accelerating healing of my gut.  So, for that, my doctor suggested a pure form (because of all our allergies) of L-Glutamine.  I will let you know how that goes.  She said it would likely take a few months to see results.
• My son's doctor mentioned the homeopathy method of desensitizing our bodies to foods.  I have to do some more research on this; but, basically, it is taking a tiny bit of the foods we are allergic to, over time and increasing the amounts as our reactions decrease.  Need prayers for this process!
• I was off of my probiotics and enzymes for a week for my 9-month-old nursling.  Ugh!  I had a heck of a time.  Now, I am trying to find the right balance for my body and I have to be conscious of any reactions my son might have.

I already knew how much your gut is connected to your emotions.  But, these past two weeks have been so hard...trying to get my body in balance has really wreaked havoc on my emotions.  On bad days (and not just recently), I find myself quick to anger, at times sad, at times elated and peaceful.  This crazy emotional roller coaster is directly caused by the "war" going on in my gut...most often an imbalance of bad bacteria to good bacteria and inflammation and me not getting enough nutrients.  Sigh. 

Dear Lord, please give me wisdom and patience for this process of bringing me and my family to complete health.  Amen.

We have become THAT family

There is this blog I like called, We are THAT family.  I love their posts.  And, I thought of THAT family the last few times we ate in restaurants.

My husband did not pray much.  I did not either.  We did not start praying as a family until a few years ago.  Honestly, I can't remember praying much in private either.  As we have grown in knowledge and understanding of God's word, we have grown in faith and we have prayed more.

I pray all the time now.  Sometimes to myself, sometimes out loud. 

But, recently, we went on vacation...and, in the middle of the restaurant, my husband reminded us that we had not yet prayed.  So, we held hands, bowed our heads and prayed (and, just now, I am remembering doing that as a child).  We have done this a few more times in public since...just last week in fact.  And, I AM SO GRATEFUL. 

I am grateful that we are becoming THAT family.  Because THAT is the family that I want to be.  The family that prays together in public.

I am also grateful that my husband is leading the effort!  That is a gift to me. 

Then, and Now

I used to wonder what the appeal was of a Christian book store.  I also used to wonder who shopped there...and, what they could find.  I feel low for saying so; but, I really thought LESS of the people who shopped in those stores.  How dare I.

I used to wonder why people listened to worship music in their free time, like, for enjoyment.  I used to wonder what made it enjoyable.

I felt like THEY must've been missing out on something...

Boy, was I wrong.

It feels so AMAZING to learn about God.  It feels like I am learning about true beauty, in all its forms.  I seek out His words.  I seek to witness His glory.  I wish I knew of a Christian bookstore that I could peruse RIGHT NOW.  Seriously.  Read "1000 Gifts", by Ann Voskamp, and maybe you will feel that way, too.

It is inspiring to listen to worship music.  It brings me so much joy.  I often have a worship song running through my head, if not playing on my iPhone.  Download a few songs from Hillsong and you might be inspired, too.

I know I have changed.  Part of it is me seeking Him.  Part of it is just the realization of what happened along the way.  I LOVE GOD.  I am so grateful that I understand Him more.  He is the only one that can bring us true joy.

No matter how many college degrees or accolades or cars or houses or jewelry or things and more things we get, it will never be enough.  We will never be full.  We will always want more.  But, God can fill us up.  He is enough.  There is no reason to ever want for more.

A perfectly messy day in my life

I don't mean to portray myself as "having it all together".  Because I don't.  But, I don't give up.  I don't want to stop trying to do better, to be better (but, that is a relative term).  Generally, I am just trying to focus on the positive.  But, I also really don't like looking like the total mess that I am.  For example...

Last Friday.  My husband was out of town for a conference, after having had evening commitments the previous 3 days.  So, our house was pretty messy and the boys were "out of sorts" (missing their dad) AND, my 6 month-old baby was having trouble sleeping (teething, tummy ache, growth milestone, stuffy nose, all of the above, I don't know); therefore, I had also not slept in 2 nights (by Sunday, it would be 4 nights and my immune system could no longer fight a nasty cold anymore; but, I digress).  I was CRANKY.

My mom and sister and niece were visiting (because my mom was going home Saturday)after having to cancel on Thursday.  So, the boys were helping me pick up all the itty bitty Legos and marbles from the floor in between doing our schoolwork that morning.  So, we have lunch and visit with them until they have to leave (all the while I am apologizing for being cranky).  Then, the baby, who has also had trouble napping today, finally goes down for a nap.  Ahhh.  For a minute.

Because then I realized I would have to prep dinner because I was on my own and I had to take son #2 to Tae Kwon Do (I tried to convince him that it might be best if we skip this one time; but, that didn't go well and he shouldn't miss honoring his commitment and he likes it...yadayadayada).  So, I told him we could only go if the baby wakes.  So, the baby woke up and OH! look at that, if we RUN, we can even get to the library before it closes (what was I thinking?).  So, we RAN to the freezing car (our next one will have remote start) and then I ran into the library to drop off our books and pick up some things on hold and I ran back to the car and we continued to Tae Kwon Do.  We took off our boots (phew, no holey socks today) and hung our coats and scarves (all the things covering my bedraggled self) and my son started his class while I and the other 2 boys sat and watched.

Then, the owner (and my son's Master/teacher) came to talk to me.  He asked about my husband and cooed with the baby and told me about his youngest.  A few more minutes went by and I finally looked down at myself (possibly for the first time all day).  I had BOTH breastfeeding pads sticking out of my shirt (they are supposed to be tucked away in my bra for those of you who may still be childless or don't breastfeed, etc.).  Oh.  My.  Goodness.  Then, I was SO TIRED/not thinking/I don't know, I just adjusted those puppies and put them back in place (I have no idea who could see me).  I also had no makeup on (probably making me look even more tired.  I am not sure if I brushed my hair that day.  My pants had a hole in the knee that wasn't there in the morning.  Sigh.

We just continued watching the class until it was finished and we RAN home to eat a late dinner and went to bed without playtime (they weren't being punished but that is hard to understand when you are 5...it's just because it was already late).  And, sigh again, everyone is asleep so then the baby woke up.  And, I rush to get myself ready for bed.  I think I spoke incoherently to my husband on the phone before falling asleep.  Sigh.

I could try again; but, I might not ever get a perfectly messy day like that again.  And, frankly, I would prefer it that way. 

Something, from nothing

I continue to try and to stretch our groceries and still optimize our healthful eating (I thought I always had, which is why it was a double bummer when my son and I got sick).  But, I often learn new ways to do both of these better.  We eat mostly organic, whole foods.  I cook "from scratch"...and, I keep narrowing the prepared foods we actually buy (I still want to learn to make cheese!).  Hidden ingredients (carrageenan, guar gum, sugar, onion powder, garlic) still affect me and cause my gut to react (literally!).

So, I LOVE that I can buy a whole organic free-range chicken, roast it and use the chicken for (at least) 2 meals for us.  And THEN, put the bones (and all the drippings), some carrot peels, the middle of the celery and other parts I discard, 1 T. apple cider vinegar, some kosher salt, and some black peppercorns in my crock pot for 24 hours and get bone broth!  Bone broth!  It is super healthy, has loads of vitamins (especially for those of you that can add onion and garlic) and has those all-important probiotics!  I usually get at least 3 quarts from 1 chicken (bones), which I can then use in soups, in quinoa, and with mashed cauliflower for MORE MEALS!  That's SOME something from NOTHING (what I would have composted/discarded). 

When time is up for the bone broth, I just spread a cheesecloth in my colander and ladle everything from the crock pot over it.  I then pour the broth into Mason jars and store it in the fridge (I almost always use it within a week, especially since it is soup season!).  But, if I were freezing it, I would likely just leave extra room at the top for the contents to expand and use it within a month.

I also just started making almond milk.  I put 1 cup of raw almonds in 4 cups of filtered water (we have a Berkey) overnight.  In the morning, I discard the water, dump the almonds in my Cuisinart food processor, add 2 pitted Medjool dates (for sweetness), and pour in 4 more cups of fresh filtered water.  I dump everything out over my handy-dandy colander, covered in cheesecloth, squeeze out the excess and "voila"--almond milk!  I always reuse the almond "pulp"; and, I have found more and more recipes to use it best.  Many people just recommend drying it out in the oven at 200 degrees.  I don't like things to take long or are too hard; so, I am still experimenting with the best recipes and ways to reuse it.  I have previously just made some paleo granola bars with it.  I have also tried drying it out (but, again, that takes time and tending...and, sometimes my timing could be off, so...).

The frugal and healthy sides of me find these two recipes easy and VERY satisfying!
 
How about that?  Anyone have any whole food ideas to share?  I would LOVE to make my own water kefir for more of those healthy, food-based probiotics! 

"When you know better, do better"

This is a quote from one of my favorite people, Maya Angelou.  This has been my journey for healthy eating, for developing my spirituality and my relationship with God and for parenting (and likely, many other things). 

If "it worked for your parents", it likely isn't meant to work for you (no disrespect intended).  Truly, I believe, we are intended to continue to grow and evolve (which means, my children will be smarter than I am).  And, there are numerous other factors:  Number one, food is made differently (more preservatives, more chemicals), even in the last 10 years (especially?).  Number two, even though we have less crime today (per capita), we hear about so much more via media; so, the world seems like a scarier place.  Number three, you have likely learned something, whether its how to trust your instincts better or trusting the results of countless research experiments.

With my third child, I feel I have finally "succeeded" (whatever that means!) at cloth-diapering.  I finally have a great, knowledgeable pediatrician that deduced that the diaper rashes were actually from his urine (which was from me eating eggs-specifically yolks, which I figured out with an elimination diet, which is basically trial and error).  I thought it had been the cloth diapers and could not stand putting them on my 2nd son and having him break out, never knowing that the disposables were just keeping the urine off his skin; and, I therefore never found out about his allergy to eggs (and now he is allergic to much more).

I also feel that all of these things I have learned more about and am trying to do better are interrelated. 

I thought I was eating really healthy all along because I have always tried to eat healthy, whole foods, made from scratch (like my mom!).  But, I realized I have actually been making minute changes (for the better) as I learn new things (or notice a sensitivity to a certain food/ingredient for me or my children).  I was inspired by a friend to make my own bone broth (if she can do it, so can I!).  And, I kept reading about how simple it is to make almond milk (sans preservatives to which I am sensitive!); so, I finally tried and I love it!  I have been tinkering with the thought of making my own cheese, too! 

As I have learned about the foods that affect our bodies (and our emotions!), we are a less reactive family (in many ways).  Less emotional outbursts (when our guts are out of whack, so are our emotions).  Less allergic reactions.  And, of course, eating healthy puts us on the preventative side of good health; so, we have less doctor visits (something to pray about!).

Likewise, as I have deepened my relationship with God and felt more strongly the presence of the Holy Spirit (which is awesome and wonderful), I have also tried to become a better parent, relying more on Him than on myself.

I am really grateful to be learning more and hopefully, doing better.  Do you have any stories to share about your journey?

Birth Story #3

Just like my other two, I had a feeling this baby was going to be early.  So, I was a little nervous I would not get to have a special blessing way, planned by two good friends and my sister, as it was hard to find a date that would work for everyone.

But, I did have that blessing way.  It was on a Saturday, right after I had spent the week organizing the baby's room and cleaning the house.  And, while dining on scrumptious healthy food and sharing laughter and love and strength and inspiration, I was having contractions.  I left my friends and sister with a full stomach and a full spirit.  After I got home to my husband and my boys, I had a few "accidents" where I felt I could not hold my pee (in the moment, I was thinking I just had extra pressure).  After my boys had gone to bed, I told my husband about it...and, he asked me, "could it be your water breaking?"  Hmmm.  Yes, yes it could.  But, my contractions were the same as always-not very intense at all.  So, I called my midwife. 

She said to rest and see if the contractions progress and call her back.  So, I watched the rest of my movie on Hulu and went to bed soon after my husband.  As I was lying there, after about 30 minutes of contractions getting more intense and closer together, I woke up my husband.  Er, I tried to wake up my husband.  And, I started walking around the house lighting candles because I did not want any bright lights on.  I also had a snack in case it was going to be a long night.  I went and woke up my husband again and said we HAVE to get ready.  He got up that time.

When I knew it was time, I was in the bathroom and I felt a little afraid-even with the advice and inspiration and sharing of strength with my sister and friends (whom I had texted to light their candles and send me their strength).  So, I prayed.  And, in that moment a worship song came to me.  It was the words, "I am stronger, I am stronger, Christ is with me"...over and over again.

My dear friends and sister had put together some beads symbolizing strength and God and other things to help me focus.  But, those beads were being made into a bracelet for me; so, my friend dropped them off for me!

My midwife arrived at about midnight, but her assistant was still on her way.  My husband had to keep leaving me (ahhhh!) to get the things we were supposed to have had ready (whoops!).  And, my sister was on her way so that she could stay with my boys.  But, the highway was under construction and she did not make it that night.  Thankfully, her daughter stayed asleep.  Thankfully, our boys stayed asleep, too!

I had my beads and my candle and the Holy Spirit and I feel certain that I "used" every contraction (which at the time, I was trying to think of as, "rushes" a la Ms. Ina Mae Gaskin, whose books I had just finished reading).  Then my water REALLY broke...twice...and gushed everywhere.  Then, I had a really rough contraction when my husband was starting the water in the tub downstairs.  Then, right before he got back I had the urge to push (so, I never made it into the tub).  My husband was going to leave to check that the door was open for the birth assistant; but, I wouldn't let him leave me.  Thankfully, it was open.  And, suddenly she was there.  And, I was pushing.

And, 2 hours after my contractions started, I was holding my newborn in my arms.  And, then he started to wail-God had put the breath of life into him.  A beautiful wail. 

But, I did not want any lights on and I did not know if it was a boy or a girl for a bit.  But, my husband called my sister and told her (and, she did not believe him that we did not know if it was a boy or a girl); and, since she was still stuck in traffic (in the middle of the night!), she turned around to go back home.  And, then we woke up the other two boys to meet their (now we know) brother!  They looked at him in their sleepy state and went right back to bed and back to sleep (LOL). 

He is in my arms right now as I type this...and, suddenly, he is three months old and so big!  I love my babies.  I love my boys.  I love their births.  I love these gifts.  Thank you for beautiful beginnings, Lord.  Thank you.

 

Fumbling and Bumbling

After one of my recent posts, one of my friends (who is also a Facebook friend) commented that, "you have got it all figured out, Melissa".  I believe she intended to complement me.  But, the comment stuck with me; and, I can honestly say, without a doubt, that I absolutely NEVER feel like "I have it all figured out".

As I stumble and fumble and bumble through my days as a homeschooling mama of three, including a 7-week-old, there are some days when I feel less inadequate and some days when I feel completely inadequate.  Despite what I learned as a teen/20-something--you know, "never let them see you sweat"--that attitude really never served me well.  I was always trying to prove myself.

I still wear a pretty good "poker face"; but, again, that doesn't really get me anywhere I want to be.

I was/am SO WRONG.  What my journey in the past few years and my increasing faith and trust in God has taught me more than anything is that I can not do ANYTHING alone.  I need Him for EVERYTHING.  So, as I make mistakes (and pray for forgiveness) and keep trying to live this life, I try to keep my eyes wide open and try so hard to give EVERYTHING to Him--ALL my worries, ALL my tasks, ALL my thanks, ALL my praise.  Still, I stumble.  Humbly, I stumble.

Strength

I have had a worship song running through my head all week.  Actually, just three verses of a worship song that I heard on Sunday:  "Christ alone, Cornerstone, Weak made strong in the Savior's Love..."

It is hard for me to admit that.

I used to "hang" with a crowd that never talked about God.  I forgot about Him for awhile.  Thankfully, He never forgot about me.  He has been working on me, drawing me closer to Him...and, I could not be more grateful.  I know I still have a LOT of growing to do (until my last breath); but, as of this moment, I have NEVER felt closer to Him.  And, because of Him, I feel stronger.

I used to pretend to be strong.  Independent.  I could do anything.  I was strong (and so, so, so scared!).

The strength I have found in Him gives me peace.

At 38 weeks pregnant, I need His strength, His peace.

Ahhhh.  Thank you, God, for all that you are and all that you do for me and through me.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for showing me how to love.  For these things I pray, Amen.

Baptized for the FIRST time!

About a week ago, I was baptized for the first time in my life. 

I was raised a Jehovah's Witness; and, when you "come of age", typically around the age of 12 or 13, you decide if you want to go through a special study with an elder (I believe) and choose to be baptized.  I never chose that.  There are so many reasons.  Mostly, it was just a tremendously difficult and scary time in my life, when everything I knew had been flipped upside down.  Then, I started going to other churches, exploring other religions, and gaining a better understanding of the world, this life on earth and beyond.

The years between then and now, I feel as though I have been on a journey.  I was never flippant about my mistakes, instead I often felt/feel deeply ashamed; and, I HID behind many masks. So, I decided I wanted to be more genuine; and, I feel, little by little, I am able to better BE ME.  Part of it is discovering who I am and what God wants for me.  I also had/have this strong desire to "right" my wrongs and to stop doing things I am not proud of.  But, the last two years, in particular, my eyes and heart have been more open, seeking more, wanting more.  I have learned that when I share my mistakes, I am less likely to feel ashamed, less likely to feel the need to cover up WHO I AM.  I also love to share my experiences because I know none of us our perfect, that all of us have "something"; and, when we share, we INSPIRE. 

But, there was something missing.  God led me to see that he wanted me to be baptized.  That is a great feeling.  I don't feel like what was missing is fulfilled; I feel like (whatever is planned for me)
is more POSSIBLE now and I can't really explain why.  I am learning and growing every day.  I pray that I will always learn and grow and seek, with love and hope.

I was baptized by Pastor John Nordstrom, current Teaching Pastor at Christ Community Church of Ottawa.  I am so grateful that my husband and I (and now our family) found this community to learn from and practice with and worship with.  I must say there were comments about the baby in my belly getting a "2 for 1"; but, it was only in jest because I want all of my children to make the decision (to be baptized) for themselves.

I am excited and grateful for today and hopeful for every tomorrow I am given.  Amen.