I don't mean to portray myself as "having it all together". Because I don't. But, I don't give up. I don't want to stop trying to do better, to be better (but, that is a relative term). Generally, I am just trying to focus on the positive. But, I also really don't like looking like the total mess that I am. For example...
Last Friday. My husband was out of town for a conference, after having had evening commitments the previous 3 days. So, our house was pretty messy and the boys were "out of sorts" (missing their dad) AND, my 6 month-old baby was having trouble sleeping (teething, tummy ache, growth milestone, stuffy nose, all of the above, I don't know); therefore, I had also not slept in 2 nights (by Sunday, it would be 4 nights and my immune system could no longer fight a nasty cold anymore; but, I digress). I was CRANKY.
My mom and sister and niece were visiting (because my mom was going home Saturday)after having to cancel on Thursday. So, the boys were helping me pick up all the itty bitty Legos and marbles from the floor in between doing our schoolwork that morning. So, we have lunch and visit with them until they have to leave (all the while I am apologizing for being cranky). Then, the baby, who has also had trouble napping today, finally goes down for a nap. Ahhh. For a minute.
Because then I realized I would have to prep dinner because I was on my own and I had to take son #2 to Tae Kwon Do (I tried to convince him that it might be best if we skip this one time; but, that didn't go well and he shouldn't miss honoring his commitment and he likes it...yadayadayada). So, I told him we could only go if the baby wakes. So, the baby woke up and OH! look at that, if we RUN, we can even get to the library before it closes (what was I thinking?). So, we RAN to the freezing car (our next one will have remote start) and then I ran into the library to drop off our books and pick up some things on hold and I ran back to the car and we continued to Tae Kwon Do. We took off our boots (phew, no holey socks today) and hung our coats and scarves (all the things covering my bedraggled self) and my son started his class while I and the other 2 boys sat and watched.
Then, the owner (and my son's Master/teacher) came to talk to me. He asked about my husband and cooed with the baby and told me about his youngest. A few more minutes went by and I finally looked down at myself (possibly for the first time all day). I had BOTH breastfeeding pads sticking out of my shirt (they are supposed to be tucked away in my bra for those of you who may still be childless or don't breastfeed, etc.). Oh. My. Goodness. Then, I was SO TIRED/not thinking/I don't know, I just adjusted those puppies and put them back in place (I have no idea who could see me). I also had no makeup on (probably making me look even more tired. I am not sure if I brushed my hair that day. My pants had a hole in the knee that wasn't there in the morning. Sigh.
We just continued watching the class until it was finished and we RAN home to eat a late dinner and went to bed without playtime (they weren't being punished but that is hard to understand when you are 5...it's just because it was already late). And, sigh again, everyone is asleep so then the baby woke up. And, I rush to get myself ready for bed. I think I spoke incoherently to my husband on the phone before falling asleep. Sigh.
I could try again; but, I might not ever get a perfectly messy day like that again. And, frankly, I would prefer it that way.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Something, from nothing
I continue to try and to stretch our groceries and still optimize our healthful eating (I thought I always had, which is why it was a double bummer when my son and I got sick). But, I often learn new ways to do both of these better. We eat mostly organic, whole foods. I cook "from scratch"...and, I keep narrowing the prepared foods we actually buy (I still want to learn to make cheese!). Hidden ingredients (carrageenan, guar gum, sugar, onion powder, garlic) still affect me and cause my gut to react (literally!).
So, I LOVE that I can buy a whole organic free-range chicken, roast it and use the chicken for (at least) 2 meals for us. And THEN, put the bones (and all the drippings), some carrot peels, the middle of the celery and other parts I discard, 1 T. apple cider vinegar, some kosher salt, and some black peppercorns in my crock pot for 24 hours and get bone broth! Bone broth! It is super healthy, has loads of vitamins (especially for those of you that can add onion and garlic) and has those all-important probiotics! I usually get at least 3 quarts from 1 chicken (bones), which I can then use in soups, in quinoa, and with mashed cauliflower for MORE MEALS! That's SOME something from NOTHING (what I would have composted/discarded).
When time is up for the bone broth, I just spread a cheesecloth in my colander and ladle everything from the crock pot over it. I then pour the broth into Mason jars and store it in the fridge (I almost always use it within a week, especially since it is soup season!). But, if I were freezing it, I would likely just leave extra room at the top for the contents to expand and use it within a month.
I also just started making almond milk. I put 1 cup of raw almonds in 4 cups of filtered water (we have a Berkey) overnight. In the morning, I discard the water, dump the almonds in my Cuisinart food processor, add 2 pitted Medjool dates (for sweetness), and pour in 4 more cups of fresh filtered water. I dump everything out over my handy-dandy colander, covered in cheesecloth, squeeze out the excess and "voila"--almond milk! I always reuse the almond "pulp"; and, I have found more and more recipes to use it best. Many people just recommend drying it out in the oven at 200 degrees. I don't like things to take long or are too hard; so, I am still experimenting with the best recipes and ways to reuse it. I have previously just made some paleo granola bars with it. I have also tried drying it out (but, again, that takes time and tending...and, sometimes my timing could be off, so...).
The frugal and healthy sides of me find these two recipes easy and VERY satisfying!
How about that? Anyone have any whole food ideas to share? I would LOVE to make my own water kefir for more of those healthy, food-based probiotics!
So, I LOVE that I can buy a whole organic free-range chicken, roast it and use the chicken for (at least) 2 meals for us. And THEN, put the bones (and all the drippings), some carrot peels, the middle of the celery and other parts I discard, 1 T. apple cider vinegar, some kosher salt, and some black peppercorns in my crock pot for 24 hours and get bone broth! Bone broth! It is super healthy, has loads of vitamins (especially for those of you that can add onion and garlic) and has those all-important probiotics! I usually get at least 3 quarts from 1 chicken (bones), which I can then use in soups, in quinoa, and with mashed cauliflower for MORE MEALS! That's SOME something from NOTHING (what I would have composted/discarded).
When time is up for the bone broth, I just spread a cheesecloth in my colander and ladle everything from the crock pot over it. I then pour the broth into Mason jars and store it in the fridge (I almost always use it within a week, especially since it is soup season!). But, if I were freezing it, I would likely just leave extra room at the top for the contents to expand and use it within a month.
I also just started making almond milk. I put 1 cup of raw almonds in 4 cups of filtered water (we have a Berkey) overnight. In the morning, I discard the water, dump the almonds in my Cuisinart food processor, add 2 pitted Medjool dates (for sweetness), and pour in 4 more cups of fresh filtered water. I dump everything out over my handy-dandy colander, covered in cheesecloth, squeeze out the excess and "voila"--almond milk! I always reuse the almond "pulp"; and, I have found more and more recipes to use it best. Many people just recommend drying it out in the oven at 200 degrees. I don't like things to take long or are too hard; so, I am still experimenting with the best recipes and ways to reuse it. I have previously just made some paleo granola bars with it. I have also tried drying it out (but, again, that takes time and tending...and, sometimes my timing could be off, so...).
The frugal and healthy sides of me find these two recipes easy and VERY satisfying!
How about that? Anyone have any whole food ideas to share? I would LOVE to make my own water kefir for more of those healthy, food-based probiotics!
Saturday, January 17, 2015
"When you know better, do better"
This is a quote from one of my favorite people, Maya Angelou. This has been my journey for healthy eating, for developing my spirituality and my relationship with God and for parenting (and likely, many other things).
If "it worked for your parents", it likely isn't meant to work for you (no disrespect intended). Truly, I believe, we are intended to continue to grow and evolve (which means, my children will be smarter than I am). And, there are numerous other factors: Number one, food is made differently (more preservatives, more chemicals), even in the last 10 years (especially?). Number two, even though we have less crime today (per capita), we hear about so much more via media; so, the world seems like a scarier place. Number three, you have likely learned something, whether its how to trust your instincts better or trusting the results of countless research experiments.
With my third child, I feel I have finally "succeeded" (whatever that means!) at cloth-diapering. I finally have a great, knowledgeable pediatrician that deduced that the diaper rashes were actually from his urine (which was from me eating eggs-specifically yolks, which I figured out with an elimination diet, which is basically trial and error). I thought it had been the cloth diapers and could not stand putting them on my 2nd son and having him break out, never knowing that the disposables were just keeping the urine off his skin; and, I therefore never found out about his allergy to eggs (and now he is allergic to much more).
I also feel that all of these things I have learned more about and am trying to do better are interrelated.
I thought I was eating really healthy all along because I have always tried to eat healthy, whole foods, made from scratch (like my mom!). But, I realized I have actually been making minute changes (for the better) as I learn new things (or notice a sensitivity to a certain food/ingredient for me or my children). I was inspired by a friend to make my own bone broth (if she can do it, so can I!). And, I kept reading about how simple it is to make almond milk (sans preservatives to which I am sensitive!); so, I finally tried and I love it! I have been tinkering with the thought of making my own cheese, too!
As I have learned about the foods that affect our bodies (and our emotions!), we are a less reactive family (in many ways). Less emotional outbursts (when our guts are out of whack, so are our emotions). Less allergic reactions. And, of course, eating healthy puts us on the preventative side of good health; so, we have less doctor visits (something to pray about!).
Likewise, as I have deepened my relationship with God and felt more strongly the presence of the Holy Spirit (which is awesome and wonderful), I have also tried to become a better parent, relying more on Him than on myself.
I am really grateful to be learning more and hopefully, doing better. Do you have any stories to share about your journey?
If "it worked for your parents", it likely isn't meant to work for you (no disrespect intended). Truly, I believe, we are intended to continue to grow and evolve (which means, my children will be smarter than I am). And, there are numerous other factors: Number one, food is made differently (more preservatives, more chemicals), even in the last 10 years (especially?). Number two, even though we have less crime today (per capita), we hear about so much more via media; so, the world seems like a scarier place. Number three, you have likely learned something, whether its how to trust your instincts better or trusting the results of countless research experiments.
With my third child, I feel I have finally "succeeded" (whatever that means!) at cloth-diapering. I finally have a great, knowledgeable pediatrician that deduced that the diaper rashes were actually from his urine (which was from me eating eggs-specifically yolks, which I figured out with an elimination diet, which is basically trial and error). I thought it had been the cloth diapers and could not stand putting them on my 2nd son and having him break out, never knowing that the disposables were just keeping the urine off his skin; and, I therefore never found out about his allergy to eggs (and now he is allergic to much more).
I also feel that all of these things I have learned more about and am trying to do better are interrelated.
I thought I was eating really healthy all along because I have always tried to eat healthy, whole foods, made from scratch (like my mom!). But, I realized I have actually been making minute changes (for the better) as I learn new things (or notice a sensitivity to a certain food/ingredient for me or my children). I was inspired by a friend to make my own bone broth (if she can do it, so can I!). And, I kept reading about how simple it is to make almond milk (sans preservatives to which I am sensitive!); so, I finally tried and I love it! I have been tinkering with the thought of making my own cheese, too!
As I have learned about the foods that affect our bodies (and our emotions!), we are a less reactive family (in many ways). Less emotional outbursts (when our guts are out of whack, so are our emotions). Less allergic reactions. And, of course, eating healthy puts us on the preventative side of good health; so, we have less doctor visits (something to pray about!).
Likewise, as I have deepened my relationship with God and felt more strongly the presence of the Holy Spirit (which is awesome and wonderful), I have also tried to become a better parent, relying more on Him than on myself.
I am really grateful to be learning more and hopefully, doing better. Do you have any stories to share about your journey?
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Birth Story #3
Just like my other two, I had a feeling this baby was going to be early. So, I was a little nervous I would not get to have a special blessing way, planned by two good friends and my sister, as it was hard to find a date that would work for everyone.
But, I did have that blessing way. It was on a Saturday, right after I had spent the week organizing the baby's room and cleaning the house. And, while dining on scrumptious healthy food and sharing laughter and love and strength and inspiration, I was having contractions. I left my friends and sister with a full stomach and a full spirit. After I got home to my husband and my boys, I had a few "accidents" where I felt I could not hold my pee (in the moment, I was thinking I just had extra pressure). After my boys had gone to bed, I told my husband about it...and, he asked me, "could it be your water breaking?" Hmmm. Yes, yes it could. But, my contractions were the same as always-not very intense at all. So, I called my midwife.
She said to rest and see if the contractions progress and call her back. So, I watched the rest of my movie on Hulu and went to bed soon after my husband. As I was lying there, after about 30 minutes of contractions getting more intense and closer together, I woke up my husband. Er, I tried to wake up my husband. And, I started walking around the house lighting candles because I did not want any bright lights on. I also had a snack in case it was going to be a long night. I went and woke up my husband again and said we HAVE to get ready. He got up that time.
When I knew it was time, I was in the bathroom and I felt a little afraid-even with the advice and inspiration and sharing of strength with my sister and friends (whom I had texted to light their candles and send me their strength). So, I prayed. And, in that moment a worship song came to me. It was the words, "I am stronger, I am stronger, Christ is with me"...over and over again.
My dear friends and sister had put together some beads symbolizing strength and God and other things to help me focus. But, those beads were being made into a bracelet for me; so, my friend dropped them off for me!
My midwife arrived at about midnight, but her assistant was still on her way. My husband had to keep leaving me (ahhhh!) to get the things we were supposed to have had ready (whoops!). And, my sister was on her way so that she could stay with my boys. But, the highway was under construction and she did not make it that night. Thankfully, her daughter stayed asleep. Thankfully, our boys stayed asleep, too!
I had my beads and my candle and the Holy Spirit and I feel certain that I "used" every contraction (which at the time, I was trying to think of as, "rushes" a la Ms. Ina Mae Gaskin, whose books I had just finished reading). Then my water REALLY broke...twice...and gushed everywhere. Then, I had a really rough contraction when my husband was starting the water in the tub downstairs. Then, right before he got back I had the urge to push (so, I never made it into the tub). My husband was going to leave to check that the door was open for the birth assistant; but, I wouldn't let him leave me. Thankfully, it was open. And, suddenly she was there. And, I was pushing.
And, 2 hours after my contractions started, I was holding my newborn in my arms. And, then he started to wail-God had put the breath of life into him. A beautiful wail.
But, I did not want any lights on and I did not know if it was a boy or a girl for a bit. But, my husband called my sister and told her (and, she did not believe him that we did not know if it was a boy or a girl); and, since she was still stuck in traffic (in the middle of the night!), she turned around to go back home. And, then we woke up the other two boys to meet their (now we know) brother! They looked at him in their sleepy state and went right back to bed and back to sleep (LOL).
He is in my arms right now as I type this...and, suddenly, he is three months old and so big! I love my babies. I love my boys. I love their births. I love these gifts. Thank you for beautiful beginnings, Lord. Thank you.
But, I did have that blessing way. It was on a Saturday, right after I had spent the week organizing the baby's room and cleaning the house. And, while dining on scrumptious healthy food and sharing laughter and love and strength and inspiration, I was having contractions. I left my friends and sister with a full stomach and a full spirit. After I got home to my husband and my boys, I had a few "accidents" where I felt I could not hold my pee (in the moment, I was thinking I just had extra pressure). After my boys had gone to bed, I told my husband about it...and, he asked me, "could it be your water breaking?" Hmmm. Yes, yes it could. But, my contractions were the same as always-not very intense at all. So, I called my midwife.
She said to rest and see if the contractions progress and call her back. So, I watched the rest of my movie on Hulu and went to bed soon after my husband. As I was lying there, after about 30 minutes of contractions getting more intense and closer together, I woke up my husband. Er, I tried to wake up my husband. And, I started walking around the house lighting candles because I did not want any bright lights on. I also had a snack in case it was going to be a long night. I went and woke up my husband again and said we HAVE to get ready. He got up that time.
When I knew it was time, I was in the bathroom and I felt a little afraid-even with the advice and inspiration and sharing of strength with my sister and friends (whom I had texted to light their candles and send me their strength). So, I prayed. And, in that moment a worship song came to me. It was the words, "I am stronger, I am stronger, Christ is with me"...over and over again.
My dear friends and sister had put together some beads symbolizing strength and God and other things to help me focus. But, those beads were being made into a bracelet for me; so, my friend dropped them off for me!
My midwife arrived at about midnight, but her assistant was still on her way. My husband had to keep leaving me (ahhhh!) to get the things we were supposed to have had ready (whoops!). And, my sister was on her way so that she could stay with my boys. But, the highway was under construction and she did not make it that night. Thankfully, her daughter stayed asleep. Thankfully, our boys stayed asleep, too!
I had my beads and my candle and the Holy Spirit and I feel certain that I "used" every contraction (which at the time, I was trying to think of as, "rushes" a la Ms. Ina Mae Gaskin, whose books I had just finished reading). Then my water REALLY broke...twice...and gushed everywhere. Then, I had a really rough contraction when my husband was starting the water in the tub downstairs. Then, right before he got back I had the urge to push (so, I never made it into the tub). My husband was going to leave to check that the door was open for the birth assistant; but, I wouldn't let him leave me. Thankfully, it was open. And, suddenly she was there. And, I was pushing.
And, 2 hours after my contractions started, I was holding my newborn in my arms. And, then he started to wail-God had put the breath of life into him. A beautiful wail.
But, I did not want any lights on and I did not know if it was a boy or a girl for a bit. But, my husband called my sister and told her (and, she did not believe him that we did not know if it was a boy or a girl); and, since she was still stuck in traffic (in the middle of the night!), she turned around to go back home. And, then we woke up the other two boys to meet their (now we know) brother! They looked at him in their sleepy state and went right back to bed and back to sleep (LOL).
He is in my arms right now as I type this...and, suddenly, he is three months old and so big! I love my babies. I love my boys. I love their births. I love these gifts. Thank you for beautiful beginnings, Lord. Thank you.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Fumbling and Bumbling
After one of my recent posts, one of my friends (who is also a Facebook friend) commented that, "you have got it all figured out, Melissa". I believe she intended to complement me. But, the comment stuck with me; and, I can honestly say, without a doubt, that I absolutely NEVER feel like "I have it all figured out".
As I stumble and fumble and bumble through my days as a homeschooling mama of three, including a 7-week-old, there are some days when I feel less inadequate and some days when I feel completely inadequate. Despite what I learned as a teen/20-something--you know, "never let them see you sweat"--that attitude really never served me well. I was always trying to prove myself.
I still wear a pretty good "poker face"; but, again, that doesn't really get me anywhere I want to be.
I was/am SO WRONG. What my journey in the past few years and my increasing faith and trust in God has taught me more than anything is that I can not do ANYTHING alone. I need Him for EVERYTHING. So, as I make mistakes (and pray for forgiveness) and keep trying to live this life, I try to keep my eyes wide open and try so hard to give EVERYTHING to Him--ALL my worries, ALL my tasks, ALL my thanks, ALL my praise. Still, I stumble. Humbly, I stumble.
As I stumble and fumble and bumble through my days as a homeschooling mama of three, including a 7-week-old, there are some days when I feel less inadequate and some days when I feel completely inadequate. Despite what I learned as a teen/20-something--you know, "never let them see you sweat"--that attitude really never served me well. I was always trying to prove myself.
I still wear a pretty good "poker face"; but, again, that doesn't really get me anywhere I want to be.
I was/am SO WRONG. What my journey in the past few years and my increasing faith and trust in God has taught me more than anything is that I can not do ANYTHING alone. I need Him for EVERYTHING. So, as I make mistakes (and pray for forgiveness) and keep trying to live this life, I try to keep my eyes wide open and try so hard to give EVERYTHING to Him--ALL my worries, ALL my tasks, ALL my thanks, ALL my praise. Still, I stumble. Humbly, I stumble.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Strength
I have had a worship song running through my head all week. Actually, just three verses of a worship song that I heard on Sunday: "Christ alone, Cornerstone, Weak made strong in the Savior's Love..."
It is hard for me to admit that.
I used to "hang" with a crowd that never talked about God. I forgot about Him for awhile. Thankfully, He never forgot about me. He has been working on me, drawing me closer to Him...and, I could not be more grateful. I know I still have a LOT of growing to do (until my last breath); but, as of this moment, I have NEVER felt closer to Him. And, because of Him, I feel stronger.
I used to pretend to be strong. Independent. I could do anything. I was strong (and so, so, so scared!).
The strength I have found in Him gives me peace.
At 38 weeks pregnant, I need His strength, His peace.
Ahhhh. Thank you, God, for all that you are and all that you do for me and through me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for showing me how to love. For these things I pray, Amen.
It is hard for me to admit that.
I used to "hang" with a crowd that never talked about God. I forgot about Him for awhile. Thankfully, He never forgot about me. He has been working on me, drawing me closer to Him...and, I could not be more grateful. I know I still have a LOT of growing to do (until my last breath); but, as of this moment, I have NEVER felt closer to Him. And, because of Him, I feel stronger.
I used to pretend to be strong. Independent. I could do anything. I was strong (and so, so, so scared!).
The strength I have found in Him gives me peace.
At 38 weeks pregnant, I need His strength, His peace.
Ahhhh. Thank you, God, for all that you are and all that you do for me and through me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for showing me how to love. For these things I pray, Amen.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Baptized for the FIRST time!
About a week ago, I was baptized for the first time in my life.
I was raised a Jehovah's Witness; and, when you "come of age", typically around the age of 12 or 13, you decide if you want to go through a special study with an elder (I believe) and choose to be baptized. I never chose that. There are so many reasons. Mostly, it was just a tremendously difficult and scary time in my life, when everything I knew had been flipped upside down. Then, I started going to other churches, exploring other religions, and gaining a better understanding of the world, this life on earth and beyond.
The years between then and now, I feel as though I have been on a journey. I was never flippant about my mistakes, instead I often felt/feel deeply ashamed; and, I HID behind many masks. So, I decided I wanted to be more genuine; and, I feel, little by little, I am able to better BE ME. Part of it is discovering who I am and what God wants for me. I also had/have this strong desire to "right" my wrongs and to stop doing things I am not proud of. But, the last two years, in particular, my eyes and heart have been more open, seeking more, wanting more. I have learned that when I share my mistakes, I am less likely to feel ashamed, less likely to feel the need to cover up WHO I AM. I also love to share my experiences because I know none of us our perfect, that all of us have "something"; and, when we share, we INSPIRE.
But, there was something missing. God led me to see that he wanted me to be baptized. That is a great feeling. I don't feel like what was missing is fulfilled; I feel like (whatever is planned for me)
is more POSSIBLE now and I can't really explain why. I am learning and growing every day. I pray that I will always learn and grow and seek, with love and hope.
I was baptized by Pastor John Nordstrom, current Teaching Pastor at Christ Community Church of Ottawa. I am so grateful that my husband and I (and now our family) found this community to learn from and practice with and worship with. I must say there were comments about the baby in my belly getting a "2 for 1"; but, it was only in jest because I want all of my children to make the decision (to be baptized) for themselves.
I am excited and grateful for today and hopeful for every tomorrow I am given. Amen.
I was raised a Jehovah's Witness; and, when you "come of age", typically around the age of 12 or 13, you decide if you want to go through a special study with an elder (I believe) and choose to be baptized. I never chose that. There are so many reasons. Mostly, it was just a tremendously difficult and scary time in my life, when everything I knew had been flipped upside down. Then, I started going to other churches, exploring other religions, and gaining a better understanding of the world, this life on earth and beyond.
The years between then and now, I feel as though I have been on a journey. I was never flippant about my mistakes, instead I often felt/feel deeply ashamed; and, I HID behind many masks. So, I decided I wanted to be more genuine; and, I feel, little by little, I am able to better BE ME. Part of it is discovering who I am and what God wants for me. I also had/have this strong desire to "right" my wrongs and to stop doing things I am not proud of. But, the last two years, in particular, my eyes and heart have been more open, seeking more, wanting more. I have learned that when I share my mistakes, I am less likely to feel ashamed, less likely to feel the need to cover up WHO I AM. I also love to share my experiences because I know none of us our perfect, that all of us have "something"; and, when we share, we INSPIRE.
But, there was something missing. God led me to see that he wanted me to be baptized. That is a great feeling. I don't feel like what was missing is fulfilled; I feel like (whatever is planned for me)
is more POSSIBLE now and I can't really explain why. I am learning and growing every day. I pray that I will always learn and grow and seek, with love and hope.
I was baptized by Pastor John Nordstrom, current Teaching Pastor at Christ Community Church of Ottawa. I am so grateful that my husband and I (and now our family) found this community to learn from and practice with and worship with. I must say there were comments about the baby in my belly getting a "2 for 1"; but, it was only in jest because I want all of my children to make the decision (to be baptized) for themselves.
I am excited and grateful for today and hopeful for every tomorrow I am given. Amen.
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