This morning, my youngest son awoke long before 6 and wanted to get up; so, I did. We came downstairs in the pitch black so that we did not wake up anyone else. Then, we sat on the sofa and snuggled (which he usually resists); and, soon he was back to sleep. I was afraid to move and wake him; but, I got comfortable and watched him sleep until the sun and everyone else awoke.
That is one of my greatest joys...to marvel at my children sleeping...to be able to comfort them and hold them in my arms. I love them dearly.
When he roused again, he happily popped up and said, "Where's my brother?". Maybe he was playing with his brother in his dreams.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Forgiveness Fell on Me
I had been reading about the process of forgiveness. I was working through some things for which I did not know I had to forgive my father. I was upset with both my parents; but, my father is the one living with me...the one in my care...the one I see every day...the one whom I have now forgiven.
There was no process. No working through it.
Some advice rattled around my head, though. I read, "Forgiveness is about you. It is not about them." I know/knew my dad is/was not capable of even recognizing the need, let alone remembering the deeds (I believe that is good...now). In case you don't remember, my dad had a stroke in 2008, which left him with very little memory of the last 30 years...and, dementia. How could I not have already forgiven him? I felt awful. Then, forgiveness fell on me.
I watched my dad have a "mini-stroke". That was awful. I was scared--not sure if it was for me or for him. I may have been thinking, "how could I let him die without forgiving him?" I was not conscious of those thoughts. I was too busy yelling out to my unresponsive father that I love him...while crying...and, yelling for my husband to call the paramedics.
My dad has been home for a little over a week. It has been hard; but, yesterday, I felt happy. It must be relief from not carrying around that baggage anymore. Thank you, God.
There was no process. No working through it.
Some advice rattled around my head, though. I read, "Forgiveness is about you. It is not about them." I know/knew my dad is/was not capable of even recognizing the need, let alone remembering the deeds (I believe that is good...now). In case you don't remember, my dad had a stroke in 2008, which left him with very little memory of the last 30 years...and, dementia. How could I not have already forgiven him? I felt awful. Then, forgiveness fell on me.
I watched my dad have a "mini-stroke". That was awful. I was scared--not sure if it was for me or for him. I may have been thinking, "how could I let him die without forgiving him?" I was not conscious of those thoughts. I was too busy yelling out to my unresponsive father that I love him...while crying...and, yelling for my husband to call the paramedics.
My dad has been home for a little over a week. It has been hard; but, yesterday, I felt happy. It must be relief from not carrying around that baggage anymore. Thank you, God.
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