Birth Story #3

Just like my other two, I had a feeling this baby was going to be early.  So, I was a little nervous I would not get to have a special blessing way, planned by two good friends and my sister, as it was hard to find a date that would work for everyone.

But, I did have that blessing way.  It was on a Saturday, right after I had spent the week organizing the baby's room and cleaning the house.  And, while dining on scrumptious healthy food and sharing laughter and love and strength and inspiration, I was having contractions.  I left my friends and sister with a full stomach and a full spirit.  After I got home to my husband and my boys, I had a few "accidents" where I felt I could not hold my pee (in the moment, I was thinking I just had extra pressure).  After my boys had gone to bed, I told my husband about it...and, he asked me, "could it be your water breaking?"  Hmmm.  Yes, yes it could.  But, my contractions were the same as always-not very intense at all.  So, I called my midwife. 

She said to rest and see if the contractions progress and call her back.  So, I watched the rest of my movie on Hulu and went to bed soon after my husband.  As I was lying there, after about 30 minutes of contractions getting more intense and closer together, I woke up my husband.  Er, I tried to wake up my husband.  And, I started walking around the house lighting candles because I did not want any bright lights on.  I also had a snack in case it was going to be a long night.  I went and woke up my husband again and said we HAVE to get ready.  He got up that time.

When I knew it was time, I was in the bathroom and I felt a little afraid-even with the advice and inspiration and sharing of strength with my sister and friends (whom I had texted to light their candles and send me their strength).  So, I prayed.  And, in that moment a worship song came to me.  It was the words, "I am stronger, I am stronger, Christ is with me"...over and over again.

My dear friends and sister had put together some beads symbolizing strength and God and other things to help me focus.  But, those beads were being made into a bracelet for me; so, my friend dropped them off for me!

My midwife arrived at about midnight, but her assistant was still on her way.  My husband had to keep leaving me (ahhhh!) to get the things we were supposed to have had ready (whoops!).  And, my sister was on her way so that she could stay with my boys.  But, the highway was under construction and she did not make it that night.  Thankfully, her daughter stayed asleep.  Thankfully, our boys stayed asleep, too!

I had my beads and my candle and the Holy Spirit and I feel certain that I "used" every contraction (which at the time, I was trying to think of as, "rushes" a la Ms. Ina Mae Gaskin, whose books I had just finished reading).  Then my water REALLY broke...twice...and gushed everywhere.  Then, I had a really rough contraction when my husband was starting the water in the tub downstairs.  Then, right before he got back I had the urge to push (so, I never made it into the tub).  My husband was going to leave to check that the door was open for the birth assistant; but, I wouldn't let him leave me.  Thankfully, it was open.  And, suddenly she was there.  And, I was pushing.

And, 2 hours after my contractions started, I was holding my newborn in my arms.  And, then he started to wail-God had put the breath of life into him.  A beautiful wail. 

But, I did not want any lights on and I did not know if it was a boy or a girl for a bit.  But, my husband called my sister and told her (and, she did not believe him that we did not know if it was a boy or a girl); and, since she was still stuck in traffic (in the middle of the night!), she turned around to go back home.  And, then we woke up the other two boys to meet their (now we know) brother!  They looked at him in their sleepy state and went right back to bed and back to sleep (LOL). 

He is in my arms right now as I type this...and, suddenly, he is three months old and so big!  I love my babies.  I love my boys.  I love their births.  I love these gifts.  Thank you for beautiful beginnings, Lord.  Thank you.

 

Fumbling and Bumbling

After one of my recent posts, one of my friends (who is also a Facebook friend) commented that, "you have got it all figured out, Melissa".  I believe she intended to complement me.  But, the comment stuck with me; and, I can honestly say, without a doubt, that I absolutely NEVER feel like "I have it all figured out".

As I stumble and fumble and bumble through my days as a homeschooling mama of three, including a 7-week-old, there are some days when I feel less inadequate and some days when I feel completely inadequate.  Despite what I learned as a teen/20-something--you know, "never let them see you sweat"--that attitude really never served me well.  I was always trying to prove myself.

I still wear a pretty good "poker face"; but, again, that doesn't really get me anywhere I want to be.

I was/am SO WRONG.  What my journey in the past few years and my increasing faith and trust in God has taught me more than anything is that I can not do ANYTHING alone.  I need Him for EVERYTHING.  So, as I make mistakes (and pray for forgiveness) and keep trying to live this life, I try to keep my eyes wide open and try so hard to give EVERYTHING to Him--ALL my worries, ALL my tasks, ALL my thanks, ALL my praise.  Still, I stumble.  Humbly, I stumble.

Strength

I have had a worship song running through my head all week.  Actually, just three verses of a worship song that I heard on Sunday:  "Christ alone, Cornerstone, Weak made strong in the Savior's Love..."

It is hard for me to admit that.

I used to "hang" with a crowd that never talked about God.  I forgot about Him for awhile.  Thankfully, He never forgot about me.  He has been working on me, drawing me closer to Him...and, I could not be more grateful.  I know I still have a LOT of growing to do (until my last breath); but, as of this moment, I have NEVER felt closer to Him.  And, because of Him, I feel stronger.

I used to pretend to be strong.  Independent.  I could do anything.  I was strong (and so, so, so scared!).

The strength I have found in Him gives me peace.

At 38 weeks pregnant, I need His strength, His peace.

Ahhhh.  Thank you, God, for all that you are and all that you do for me and through me.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for showing me how to love.  For these things I pray, Amen.

Baptized for the FIRST time!

About a week ago, I was baptized for the first time in my life. 

I was raised a Jehovah's Witness; and, when you "come of age", typically around the age of 12 or 13, you decide if you want to go through a special study with an elder (I believe) and choose to be baptized.  I never chose that.  There are so many reasons.  Mostly, it was just a tremendously difficult and scary time in my life, when everything I knew had been flipped upside down.  Then, I started going to other churches, exploring other religions, and gaining a better understanding of the world, this life on earth and beyond.

The years between then and now, I feel as though I have been on a journey.  I was never flippant about my mistakes, instead I often felt/feel deeply ashamed; and, I HID behind many masks. So, I decided I wanted to be more genuine; and, I feel, little by little, I am able to better BE ME.  Part of it is discovering who I am and what God wants for me.  I also had/have this strong desire to "right" my wrongs and to stop doing things I am not proud of.  But, the last two years, in particular, my eyes and heart have been more open, seeking more, wanting more.  I have learned that when I share my mistakes, I am less likely to feel ashamed, less likely to feel the need to cover up WHO I AM.  I also love to share my experiences because I know none of us our perfect, that all of us have "something"; and, when we share, we INSPIRE. 

But, there was something missing.  God led me to see that he wanted me to be baptized.  That is a great feeling.  I don't feel like what was missing is fulfilled; I feel like (whatever is planned for me)
is more POSSIBLE now and I can't really explain why.  I am learning and growing every day.  I pray that I will always learn and grow and seek, with love and hope.

I was baptized by Pastor John Nordstrom, current Teaching Pastor at Christ Community Church of Ottawa.  I am so grateful that my husband and I (and now our family) found this community to learn from and practice with and worship with.  I must say there were comments about the baby in my belly getting a "2 for 1"; but, it was only in jest because I want all of my children to make the decision (to be baptized) for themselves.

I am excited and grateful for today and hopeful for every tomorrow I am given.  Amen.

Road Trip, Days 25-28, Homeward Bound!

In Asheville, I found a vacation rental up in the mountains, just 10 minutes or so from downtown.  While the view was pretty and the location was memorable; this rental was a little rougher than I would have liked.  Long story short, the sleeper sofa could not be slept on (too many uncomfortable springs) and we had the clean the place upon arrival.  Luckily, we had brought with our air mattress; but, because we had to be escorted down the mountain to our non-4x4-vehicle, my poor husband had to endure one night on the sofa (which was more comfortable than the sleeper sofa).  Lots of memories!  I cried in disappointment.  It was made out to be a special place (which it would've been had it been clean and been able to properly sleep 4 people). 

Our first day in Asheville, it rained.  So, we just enjoyed watching each of the storms roll in from our perch in the mountains (and cleaned and cooked and played).

Our second full day (unfortunately, our last), we went into Asheville to see what everyone was talking about (all of our friends love it!).  It is a really neat town.  Lots to see and do for me and my husband; but, not lots of places to play for our kids (we had to hunt down a park! LOL).  We DID find a co-op grocer where we bought a few things.  We also found a Natural Building Store.  There, we purchased a gallon of zero-VOC polyurethane that we can usually only order online.  We also asked about reclaimed flooring and counter surfaces, of which they helped suggest resources closer to home.  We went to a nearby arboretum, right in the middle of downtown and SO serene.  It had free admission; and it was a lovely nature walk for us.

We had a dinner reservation at a well-researched (by me) restaurant, Posada Café.  It.  Was.  Perfect.  Yum.  Everything was gluten free.  They make an effort to source local, organic ingredients (like many in the area) and they combine them to amazingly delicious effect!  This was a GREAT meal.  My husband had mussels for an appetizer, which he loved.  I had a kale salad with manchego cheese and baby pumpkin seeds, which was so amazing they told me how they prepare it and I have been trying to replicate the recipe at home!!  Our entrees were all great.  The boys had chicken and fish and veggies.  Then, we ended with a just-right dessert.  I had lemon olive oil cake (it had yummy accompaniments).  They were so great with our allergies and I was so comfortable (not too full, no discomfort) after the meal, I keep dreaming about it and wish that I could eat there again...soon!

We wished we could've had more time to go hiking or kayaking or something in all of the beauty that surrounds Asheville.  We just have to go back.  We tried to see a bit of the Biltmore; but, you can only get so far before you have to buy tickets ($50/person!).  We only got to see a tiny bit.  If we thought our boys would like/appreciate it even a bit, we would've gone to see it; but, they wouldn't, so we didn't.  Maybe someday!

On the mountain where we stayed, there lives a wild emu (probably escaped from a farm) who loves bananas.  Luckily, my boys met him the first day; but, after we bought bananas, we never saw him again.

We said goodbye to Asheville on Saturday morning, still trying to decide if we should stay in Nashville with family for the night or make it to Louisville so that we would be closer to home the next day.  We decided to go to Louisville because my husband had to get back for some work!  Hotwire again! 

The drive from Asheville to Knoxville was all rolling hills, small towns and beauty!  So pretty!  We ate lunch in Knoxville (which took MUCH longer than we expected; but, it tasted pretty good).  I don't know what we would have done without our smart phones, helping me find gluten free restaurants and then helping me get there!

On to Louisville for the night, then up to Indianapolis (for lunch), then home, where we were greeted by a "Welcome Home" sign and balloons from our wonderful friends, who also happen to be neighbors.  All the while, we had stopped about every 90 minutes to stretch, play or use the bathroom.  We are so grateful we got to take this trip.  My boys were excellent travelers.  I would TOTALLY do it again...I just have to ask my family to move to a different part of the country OR do more camping (maybe a pop-up?) OR stay in one place for a month and venture out for day trips from there.  Hmmm... 

Not sure when we will take our next trip with the new baby (due end of August, or so); but, we will be dreaming about it!  For now, it feels good to be at home, nesting!  :)

Road Trip, Days 20-24

We woke up to the ocean tide!  I love the sound of the ocean!  We got a condo, overlooking the Atlantic, on the Outer Banks, in Duck, NC.  We loved the serenity and charm of Duck (and the organic grocer right down the street with lots of gluten free items!).

So, to the beach, we went!  We enjoyed playing at the beach and snacked and then went in for the day for a shower and a late lunch.  That is pretty much how ALL of our days went in Duck (and, oh, how we wished we could've stayed longer!).  The weather was perfect...upper 80s/90s with a nice breeze when you need it!  The boys LOVED the selection of seashells and the tiny clear crabs they found just under the sand.  Their favorite was putting them all in a bucket with sand and water, then dumping them out and watching them burrow themselves back under the sand again.  LOL.

We also celebrated my now-5yo birthday in Duck, NC!  We went to play miniature golf at one of the many pirate-themed mini-golf courses farther south on the Outer Banks.  I believe we ended up in Nags Head.  We let him decide our day.  So, beach in the morning, lunch, cupcakes (of course!) and then mini-golf, then playing with new Legos until dinner.

I do not think I will get a vacation rental without a washer and dryer IN the unit, especially when we are at the beach.  Trekking up and down (mostly my poor husband) three flights of stairs to do laundry is NOT fun (especially in a stinky laundry room).  Lesson learned. AND, it was not ideal to have a one-bedroom with a sleeper sofa (even though it was comfortable).  We definitely preferred two bedrooms.  BUT, our rental was the nicest of all the ones we stayed on this trip.  Lovely, clean, modern and pretty recent renovations throughout made us feel like we were in a nice hotel (with a kitchen!).  :)

By Sunday, we were still debating staying one extra day in Duck.  BUT, we really liked the idea of breaking up our trip by stopping in Raleigh (hotwire again!) on our way to Asheville.  So, on Tuesday morning, when we left Duck, we stopped at the Wright Monument and Museum and climbed the hill that the Wright Brothers used to test their flying machines-first a glider, then with a motorized engine.  There is a great view from up there (but, my pregnant self had to lean on my husband as we got closer to the top...and, it was HOT!).  We learned a bit, got some books about the Wright Brothers and continued on our journey!

We got into Raleigh at 4ish, settled into our downtown hotel (a decent Sheraton), and found Mellow Mushroom (gluten free pizza!) for dinner (it was good...tasty, fresh ingredients!).  We had met a family on the beach that recommended the Museum of Natural Sciences, in Raleigh.  The appeal? "museum", "science" and "free admission"!  So, the next morning, we found a gluten free coffee shop/ bakery to walk to and then walked to the museum!  Do you know what?  It is the coolest museum we have EVER been to.  Our expectations were not very high; but, they were far-exceeded!  My boys enjoyed doing their own lab experiments, sat in on an "animal encounter" (where they learned about and got to touch animals that hatch from eggs-that are not birds), and walked through a butterfly conservatory.  There was much MORE to see and do that we did not have time for; but, we hope/plan to come back some day!  Yay for Raleigh!  THEN, we went to the Farmers Market outside our hotel, got some yummy local bbq for my husband and some strawberry (agua frescas) for my boys, ordered some turned-out-to-be-super-yummy take out (no-bun burgers, veggies, chicken, salad and sweet potato fries for us) and hit the road to Asheville!

Road Trip, Days 13-19

We made a slight change in our plans on this leg.  Instead of taking a day to go to Pensacola and staying with family for a couple of days there before traveling 2 days to get back to Charleston, SC, we decided to go straight to Charleston.  Even though we missed our family, we are grateful we made the change, due to my pregnant condition and not wanting too many full travel days in a row.

We decided to book a vacation rental so that we could cook more often than not.  We actually saved quite a bit of money with a last minute booking.  Phew!  We got a great little place in Seabrook Island, about 40 minutes from downtown Charleston.  It was in a private, gated community; and, they had great beaches!  The day we arrived, it was late; so, we unloaded what we needed and settled in.  The next day was a Sunday, so we enjoyed the beach!  On that day, we played for a few hours and watched dolphins swim not far from shore.

On Monday, we visited the Magnolia Plantation.  It was reasonably priced; so, we added on the "Nature Boat Tour".  It was a HOT day (as it often is in Charleston; but, this was early May...and, "not as humid as it gets" in the summer months, according to locals).  We walked around a bit, ate our lunch and got on a pontoon for our tour on the river next to the Plantation.  What interesting history!  We learned a lot, got to see a lot of wildlife (birds & 'gators) and enjoyed the boat ride.  The grounds were really pretty; but, we did not do all of the tours.  We (especially my 5yo) LOVED the petting zoo-there were even pet deer!  My 5yo asked me if we could get a pet deer.  *sigh (he needs a pet)*

On Tuesday, we went to the beach again.  On the other shore, we watched lots of pelicans.  We LOVE the beach.  We are so glad we stayed closer to the beach instead of staying in downtown Charleston (like I had planned).

On Wednesday, we went downtown to explore.  Then, we went to pick up "Daddy/my husband" from the airport!  Then, we went back downtown (now, we had our bearings) and, after we parked, we took a FREE shuttle to the open market and perused (the boys did not like that until we bought a treat), then we got on the last horse-drawn carriage ride of the day.  We really enjoyed that!  We all learned MORE about Charleston's history and wealth and saw some of the city.  The carriage driver even gave us a recommendation for dinner at Fleet's Landing.  It wasn't exactly what we wanted; but, it was good, they accommodated our allergies and the setting was lovely--right on the water at sunset.  Then, we found another nearby FREE shuttle stop and took the shuttle back to our car to drive back to our rental.

We had originally planned to take off for NC on Thursday morning; but, we wanted my husband to experience the beach.  So, it worked out for us to stay another night.  So, Thursday, we got to go to the beach with Daddy.  So beautiful!  So glad we made the change!

Friday morning, we cleaned up, packed up and headed into Charleston to pick up groceries at Whole Foods for our next leg in NC.  I figured we would be fine, right?  We had enough coolers and the car was air-conditioned.  Well, that didn't last long!  I noticed that the a/c wasn't feeling as cold about halfway through the day.  EEK!  We made a pit stop to an auto parts store and "recharged" the Freon for the a/c.  Good to go! 

We stopped in some lovely towns along the Atlantic on our way up to the Outer Banks of NC.  As always, we stopped about every 90 minutes.  We stopped in a nice little town to eat our lunch (Washington, NC, we believe) and strolled around (and bought some books at an independent bookstore!) and we met a nice couple who asked if the boys wanted to see their boat (of course they did!).  I love how boaters share their boats!  Then, we stopped in another nice town for dinner at a restaurant, where my 8yo drank 3 full glasses of water with a straw!  Then, we stopped about every 30 minutes to go to the bathroom.  LOL.  This drive, after sunset, was the "buggiest" drive we had (ewww!)!  We made it to our next rental late, both boys asleep.  So, we got what we needed and settled in.  More to come about NC!