Remembering

Many of the memories I have with my dad (in the first decade of my life), were made when I accompanied him to work.  He owned a cleaning service; he cleaned homes and offices.  He also delivered the Tribune and the Sun Times.  He was also an ordained minister and an elder and counselor in our church (for which he did not receive any monetary pay). He also drove a bus. 

When I was three, (it is possible that my younger brother had just arrived and my mom needed to rest) I remember riding in the seat of the bus behind my dad to pick up the kids from school, including my older brother, who was in Kindergarten.

Saturdays seemed to be his busiest day.  I often went with and helped dust the empty offices.  One year he had a toy store as a client (Toys by Rizzi-they were at the four corners in Downers Grove; and, they later "hit it big" in the popcorn business and closed the toy store).  The owner of the company had invited us to his home for Christmas.  Their home was really nice.  They proceeded to give us more gifts than I had ever seen (I remember playing with those toys for years...and eventually giving them to my sister, who is eight years younger than I).  I may have been 4 or 5 at the time.

Dad also had a client in an exclusive gated community in Oakbrook.  They were German and had three boys and traveled often.  I think their father was on the Chicago Board of Trade.  Needless to say, it was a LOT of fun to go and play with ALL the toys they had in their basement.  I don't think I am exaggerating much to say that it was about the size of half a football field and FULL of toys.   I can tell you LOTS of stories about their family because we paid attention to all the ways they were different from us (including what we wished we had!).

I loved the ladies in Hinsdale, whose houses he cleaned (three in a row, right near downtown).  They were so kind to us.  It was so sad when one passed away (it was about the same time my dad's business went bankrupt and a lot of other things happened in our lives).

I frequently got out of bed at 2am (I think that is what time it was) to ride in the cold car (it always seemed cold) to go with my dad to stuff and then deliver all the Sunday papers.  We also delivered the NY Times; but, there weren't many that received it.  Once we filled our car, the only space left for us to sit was ON TOP of the papers.  It was fun!  Really!  Sometimes, we even had a coupon for Dunkin Donuts and we would stop to get some on the way home.  I don't remember resting (but, maybe we did) and then we would get ready to go to church.

Just thinking about it, kids really have it easy today (in some ways).  I really enjoyed those times with dad; and, I learned a lot!  I loved getting to know the people he worked for and learning about the businesses (including my dad's!).  There is more that I wish he would have taught me; but, I am so grateful for the time that we had, making memories.  I hope that my husband and I can include our children in more of our work and give them experiences that may better enable them to shape their own.

Time to Share

I haven't been hiding it.  I just haven't made it "public".  My father is dying.  His severe weight loss is an indication of something doctors have not identified...because we don't want him to go through any uncomfortable and invasive testing.  All of his major arteries have blockage; but, we are fortunate that he still functions very well and gets around very well (even up and down stairs!).  I am totally convinced this is possible only by the grace of God--to give him that independence at this time so he can continue to live in our home.  The doctors say he has less than six months left; and, they have recommended hospice care.

I pray often that he knows only happiness and comfort; and, my family and I work hard to give him that.  He rarely has pain.  He complained of his back hurting a bit today; so, I hope that goes away tomorrow.

I pray that he knows in his heart how many people he matters to.  He touched so many lives through his work as an ordained minister and a servant to God through his Jehovah's Witnesses' faith.  He was a student of theology his whole life.  He has many books that helped him (and helped him help others) understand God's words in the bible.  I wish I could reach out to all of those people and tell them to write to my Dad.  I don't know where or how to find them.  The two main congregations he led were in Westmont and he helped build the Kingdom Hall in Bolingbrook (what year was it?  1979 or 1980? They built it in two days!  It made the news!).  He does not remember these things because of his dementia.  But, he is eloquent and articulate in his prayers (which we encourage him to do often, once we discovered this).

He was also a student of life.  I miss hearing all the facts that I, at one time, deemed "useless"--unless, of course, he decided to ever go on, "Jeopardy!" (something we encouraged him to do many times).

This has been hard.  I am not ready to say "goodbye".  I guess all I need to do is let him know how much of a difference he made to me, to my life.  I hope to share some of those things with you.

In the face of much adversity, my father has often been (and, probably always will be)-- my rock.  Thank you, Dad.  For everything.  I will not give up on you.  I hope to be your rock now.

More Memories

I was reading a beautifully written article by Lee Woodruff, excerpting her book about her father with dementia, called "Those We Love Most".  She wrote about her dad teaching her the box step.

I remember that, too.  I remember dancing with my dad at a wedding, doing the box step.  I was not very good (I may have been 6 or 7).  I was wearing a long dress.  It was at a big hall of some sort.  I don't even remember who was getting married.  As an ordained minister, my dad married a lot of people...it may have been one of those times.

As a young girl, I often remember standing on my dad's feet in the living room, as he tried to teach me.  My dad has always loved music...and, singing along.  He used to have a nice smooth voice, like Bing Crosby (one of his favorites).  My dad had a large record collection that I think is now split between two of my siblings.  We had a large phonograph long into my teens (it was a piece of furniture with speakers on the front and two doors on top that slid between the turntable and record storage).  My first music purchase was a "Bangles" record (because that was the only music player in our house). 

My husband is the only other man I have danced with.  We don't do the box step; but, my husband makes me look good on the dance floor.  My whole family loves to dance; but, usually it's just a time to be loose and silly.  I might have to get some more lessons from dad so that I can teach my sons the box step.

Optometrists, Help!

Oh my goodness!  I thought it was hard just to get my contact lens prescription (so that I could comparison shop).  But, it was infinitely harder to get an optometrist to recommend a natural, preservative-free way to clean my contacts and better care for my eyes!

Let me tell you where this started...again, what you don't know (it CAN hurt you!).  I was getting my eye exam 2 years ago and they asked me about the type of contact lens solution I used.  I told them I was getting the generic brand and they recommended I only buy name brands because they have "less preservatives".  I caught that, "less" and have been trying to research it ever since...with not much luck, honestly!

So, this time, I bravely decided to ask the optometrist about it.  He briefly mentioned the "peroxide method" and then tried to convince me I needed daily wear contacts instead of biweekly.  I went home and immediately researched this peroxide method.  Hallelujah!  I found it!  I found a 3% peroxide solution with neutralizers in cases (they are most often sold together) at Walgreens and I use Unisol 4 preservative free saline solution.  After the first two times of following the instructions (if you don't rinse with saline, you could burn your eye!), I had it down!  It doesn't take much longer...it costs about the same as the expensive Opti-Free I was using (for the peroxide and the saline and the quantity used) and my eyes always feel great (they don't dry out anymore!).

I also have to add that they asked me WHY I wanted a preservative-free option.  What? (is what I was thinking).  I told him that I don't want preservatives in my food OR in my personal care products, especially for something as important and FRAGILE as my eye!  Because what goes ON also goes IN!  Good to know.

Personal Products

So, the more I learn, the more I try to live a "green" life (for the health of my family and our earth).  We started with food (slowly), then with our household toxins (easy because it's cheaper), then the almost forgotten personal products (about the same prices as the other items I was buying).

It has been a challenge to find makeup that works for me.  But, I have.  I really like Tarte brand and Physician's Formula Organic Wear is an affordable option that I also really like (I like their talc-free powder!).  I recently discovered a new site, www.spiritbeautylounge.com.  I am really enjoying this site.  I can search by "vegan" or "gluten-free" ingredients!  Makes my life much easier!  Gotta love that!

We were using Nature's Gate shampoo and conditioner, until I found out that they are not "gluten-free".  In addition, some natural bar soaps have a wheat derivative in them.  I haven't tried it yet; but, on www.spiritbeautylounge.com, I found an affordable gluten-free brand called, Acure Organics.  I love their bar soap.  I still have to try their shampoo and conditioner.

It is hard to find all-natural products for my family, too.  My husband uses, Every Man Jack after shave lotion and Kiss My Face shave cream.  I really like the Episencial line for my kids...their bubble bath and winter face balm are great.  My husband and I use deodorant instead of anti-perspirant.  We have to reapply sometimes; but, it is better than putting extra metal in our bodies (yes, "in"...because whatever goes on, goes in!)

I have a story worthy of another post about my new preservative-free contact cleaning regimen!