Many of the memories I have with my dad (in the first decade of my life), were made when I accompanied him to work. He owned a cleaning service; he cleaned homes and offices. He also delivered the Tribune and the Sun Times. He was also an ordained minister and an elder and counselor in our church (for which he did not receive any monetary pay). He also drove a bus.
When I was three, (it is possible that my younger brother had just arrived and my mom needed to rest) I remember riding in the seat of the bus behind my dad to pick up the kids from school, including my older brother, who was in Kindergarten.
Saturdays seemed to be his busiest day. I often went with and helped dust the empty offices. One year he had a toy store as a client (Toys by Rizzi-they were at the four corners in Downers Grove; and, they later "hit it big" in the popcorn business and closed the toy store). The owner of the company had invited us to his home for Christmas. Their home was really nice. They proceeded to give us more gifts than I had ever seen (I remember playing with those toys for years...and eventually giving them to my sister, who is eight years younger than I). I may have been 4 or 5 at the time.
Dad also had a client in an exclusive gated community in Oakbrook. They were German and had three boys and traveled often. I think their father was on the Chicago Board of Trade. Needless to say, it was a LOT of fun to go and play with ALL the toys they had in their basement. I don't think I am exaggerating much to say that it was about the size of half a football field and FULL of toys. I can tell you LOTS of stories about their family because we paid attention to all the ways they were different from us (including what we wished we had!).
I loved the ladies in Hinsdale, whose houses he cleaned (three in a row, right near downtown). They were so kind to us. It was so sad when one passed away (it was about the same time my dad's business went bankrupt and a lot of other things happened in our lives).
I frequently got out of bed at 2am (I think that is what time it was) to ride in the cold car (it always seemed cold) to go with my dad to stuff and then deliver all the Sunday papers. We also delivered the NY Times; but, there weren't many that received it. Once we filled our car, the only space left for us to sit was ON TOP of the papers. It was fun! Really! Sometimes, we even had a coupon for Dunkin Donuts and we would stop to get some on the way home. I don't remember resting (but, maybe we did) and then we would get ready to go to church.
Just thinking about it, kids really have it easy today (in some ways). I really enjoyed those times with dad; and, I learned a lot! I loved getting to know the people he worked for and learning about the businesses (including my dad's!). There is more that I wish he would have taught me; but, I am so grateful for the time that we had, making memories. I hope that my husband and I can include our children in more of our work and give them experiences that may better enable them to shape their own.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
Time to Share
I haven't been hiding it. I just haven't made it "public". My father is dying. His severe weight loss is an indication of something doctors have not identified...because we don't want him to go through any uncomfortable and invasive testing. All of his major arteries have blockage; but, we are fortunate that he still functions very well and gets around very well (even up and down stairs!). I am totally convinced this is possible only by the grace of God--to give him that independence at this time so he can continue to live in our home. The doctors say he has less than six months left; and, they have recommended hospice care.
I pray often that he knows only happiness and comfort; and, my family and I work hard to give him that. He rarely has pain. He complained of his back hurting a bit today; so, I hope that goes away tomorrow.
I pray that he knows in his heart how many people he matters to. He touched so many lives through his work as an ordained minister and a servant to God through his Jehovah's Witnesses' faith. He was a student of theology his whole life. He has many books that helped him (and helped him help others) understand God's words in the bible. I wish I could reach out to all of those people and tell them to write to my Dad. I don't know where or how to find them. The two main congregations he led were in Westmont and he helped build the Kingdom Hall in Bolingbrook (what year was it? 1979 or 1980? They built it in two days! It made the news!). He does not remember these things because of his dementia. But, he is eloquent and articulate in his prayers (which we encourage him to do often, once we discovered this).
He was also a student of life. I miss hearing all the facts that I, at one time, deemed "useless"--unless, of course, he decided to ever go on, "Jeopardy!" (something we encouraged him to do many times).
This has been hard. I am not ready to say "goodbye". I guess all I need to do is let him know how much of a difference he made to me, to my life. I hope to share some of those things with you.
In the face of much adversity, my father has often been (and, probably always will be)-- my rock. Thank you, Dad. For everything. I will not give up on you. I hope to be your rock now.
I pray often that he knows only happiness and comfort; and, my family and I work hard to give him that. He rarely has pain. He complained of his back hurting a bit today; so, I hope that goes away tomorrow.
I pray that he knows in his heart how many people he matters to. He touched so many lives through his work as an ordained minister and a servant to God through his Jehovah's Witnesses' faith. He was a student of theology his whole life. He has many books that helped him (and helped him help others) understand God's words in the bible. I wish I could reach out to all of those people and tell them to write to my Dad. I don't know where or how to find them. The two main congregations he led were in Westmont and he helped build the Kingdom Hall in Bolingbrook (what year was it? 1979 or 1980? They built it in two days! It made the news!). He does not remember these things because of his dementia. But, he is eloquent and articulate in his prayers (which we encourage him to do often, once we discovered this).
He was also a student of life. I miss hearing all the facts that I, at one time, deemed "useless"--unless, of course, he decided to ever go on, "Jeopardy!" (something we encouraged him to do many times).
This has been hard. I am not ready to say "goodbye". I guess all I need to do is let him know how much of a difference he made to me, to my life. I hope to share some of those things with you.
In the face of much adversity, my father has often been (and, probably always will be)-- my rock. Thank you, Dad. For everything. I will not give up on you. I hope to be your rock now.
Friday, November 9, 2012
More Memories
I was reading a beautifully written article by Lee Woodruff, excerpting her book about her father with dementia, called "Those We Love Most". She wrote about her dad teaching her the box step.
I remember that, too. I remember dancing with my dad at a wedding, doing the box step. I was not very good (I may have been 6 or 7). I was wearing a long dress. It was at a big hall of some sort. I don't even remember who was getting married. As an ordained minister, my dad married a lot of people...it may have been one of those times.
As a young girl, I often remember standing on my dad's feet in the living room, as he tried to teach me. My dad has always loved music...and, singing along. He used to have a nice smooth voice, like Bing Crosby (one of his favorites). My dad had a large record collection that I think is now split between two of my siblings. We had a large phonograph long into my teens (it was a piece of furniture with speakers on the front and two doors on top that slid between the turntable and record storage). My first music purchase was a "Bangles" record (because that was the only music player in our house).
My husband is the only other man I have danced with. We don't do the box step; but, my husband makes me look good on the dance floor. My whole family loves to dance; but, usually it's just a time to be loose and silly. I might have to get some more lessons from dad so that I can teach my sons the box step.
I remember that, too. I remember dancing with my dad at a wedding, doing the box step. I was not very good (I may have been 6 or 7). I was wearing a long dress. It was at a big hall of some sort. I don't even remember who was getting married. As an ordained minister, my dad married a lot of people...it may have been one of those times.
As a young girl, I often remember standing on my dad's feet in the living room, as he tried to teach me. My dad has always loved music...and, singing along. He used to have a nice smooth voice, like Bing Crosby (one of his favorites). My dad had a large record collection that I think is now split between two of my siblings. We had a large phonograph long into my teens (it was a piece of furniture with speakers on the front and two doors on top that slid between the turntable and record storage). My first music purchase was a "Bangles" record (because that was the only music player in our house).
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Optometrists, Help!
Oh my goodness! I thought it was hard just to get my contact lens prescription (so that I could comparison shop). But, it was infinitely harder to get an optometrist to recommend a natural, preservative-free way to clean my contacts and better care for my eyes!
Let me tell you where this started...again, what you don't know (it CAN hurt you!). I was getting my eye exam 2 years ago and they asked me about the type of contact lens solution I used. I told them I was getting the generic brand and they recommended I only buy name brands because they have "less preservatives". I caught that, "less" and have been trying to research it ever since...with not much luck, honestly!
So, this time, I bravely decided to ask the optometrist about it. He briefly mentioned the "peroxide method" and then tried to convince me I needed daily wear contacts instead of biweekly. I went home and immediately researched this peroxide method. Hallelujah! I found it! I found a 3% peroxide solution with neutralizers in cases (they are most often sold together) at Walgreens and I use Unisol 4 preservative free saline solution. After the first two times of following the instructions (if you don't rinse with saline, you could burn your eye!), I had it down! It doesn't take much longer...it costs about the same as the expensive Opti-Free I was using (for the peroxide and the saline and the quantity used) and my eyes always feel great (they don't dry out anymore!).
I also have to add that they asked me WHY I wanted a preservative-free option. What? (is what I was thinking). I told him that I don't want preservatives in my food OR in my personal care products, especially for something as important and FRAGILE as my eye! Because what goes ON also goes IN! Good to know.
Let me tell you where this started...again, what you don't know (it CAN hurt you!). I was getting my eye exam 2 years ago and they asked me about the type of contact lens solution I used. I told them I was getting the generic brand and they recommended I only buy name brands because they have "less preservatives". I caught that, "less" and have been trying to research it ever since...with not much luck, honestly!
So, this time, I bravely decided to ask the optometrist about it. He briefly mentioned the "peroxide method" and then tried to convince me I needed daily wear contacts instead of biweekly. I went home and immediately researched this peroxide method. Hallelujah! I found it! I found a 3% peroxide solution with neutralizers in cases (they are most often sold together) at Walgreens and I use Unisol 4 preservative free saline solution. After the first two times of following the instructions (if you don't rinse with saline, you could burn your eye!), I had it down! It doesn't take much longer...it costs about the same as the expensive Opti-Free I was using (for the peroxide and the saline and the quantity used) and my eyes always feel great (they don't dry out anymore!).
I also have to add that they asked me WHY I wanted a preservative-free option. What? (is what I was thinking). I told him that I don't want preservatives in my food OR in my personal care products, especially for something as important and FRAGILE as my eye! Because what goes ON also goes IN! Good to know.
Personal Products
So, the more I learn, the more I try to live a "green" life (for the health of my family and our earth). We started with food (slowly), then with our household toxins (easy because it's cheaper), then the almost forgotten personal products (about the same prices as the other items I was buying).
It has been a challenge to find makeup that works for me. But, I have. I really like Tarte brand and Physician's Formula Organic Wear is an affordable option that I also really like (I like their talc-free powder!). I recently discovered a new site, www.spiritbeautylounge.com. I am really enjoying this site. I can search by "vegan" or "gluten-free" ingredients! Makes my life much easier! Gotta love that!
We were using Nature's Gate shampoo and conditioner, until I found out that they are not "gluten-free". In addition, some natural bar soaps have a wheat derivative in them. I haven't tried it yet; but, on www.spiritbeautylounge.com, I found an affordable gluten-free brand called, Acure Organics. I love their bar soap. I still have to try their shampoo and conditioner.
It is hard to find all-natural products for my family, too. My husband uses, Every Man Jack after shave lotion and Kiss My Face shave cream. I really like the Episencial line for my kids...their bubble bath and winter face balm are great. My husband and I use deodorant instead of anti-perspirant. We have to reapply sometimes; but, it is better than putting extra metal in our bodies (yes, "in"...because whatever goes on, goes in!)
I have a story worthy of another post about my new preservative-free contact cleaning regimen!
It has been a challenge to find makeup that works for me. But, I have. I really like Tarte brand and Physician's Formula Organic Wear is an affordable option that I also really like (I like their talc-free powder!). I recently discovered a new site, www.spiritbeautylounge.com. I am really enjoying this site. I can search by "vegan" or "gluten-free" ingredients! Makes my life much easier! Gotta love that!
We were using Nature's Gate shampoo and conditioner, until I found out that they are not "gluten-free". In addition, some natural bar soaps have a wheat derivative in them. I haven't tried it yet; but, on www.spiritbeautylounge.com, I found an affordable gluten-free brand called, Acure Organics. I love their bar soap. I still have to try their shampoo and conditioner.
It is hard to find all-natural products for my family, too. My husband uses, Every Man Jack after shave lotion and Kiss My Face shave cream. I really like the Episencial line for my kids...their bubble bath and winter face balm are great. My husband and I use deodorant instead of anti-perspirant. We have to reapply sometimes; but, it is better than putting extra metal in our bodies (yes, "in"...because whatever goes on, goes in!)
I have a story worthy of another post about my new preservative-free contact cleaning regimen!
Friday, October 19, 2012
Baking Soda and Baking Powder
I had no idea, a couple of years ago, how amazing baking soda truly is. I am serious.
I have eliminated all known harmful or carcinogenic chemicals from my household; so, I went "back to basics" (really, why did we ever stray?). I mostly use hydrogen peroxide, vinegar and baking soda to effectively clean and disinfect my home. Baking soda is my "go to" cleaner for my stove top and oven, for scouring my porcelain sink, and for cleaning the bathtub. I also use it to get burned-on gunk out of (or off of) my stainless steel pots and pans. For most of these applications, I make a "paste" (baking soda with a bit of water); but for burned on gunk, it sometimes helps to just boil water with baking soda. It is, by far, the most effective cleaner I have ever used.
It is also, thankfully, a "clean" additive in baking! As I have stated, my family is eating gluten-free and dairy-free; and, we recently found out that my youngest is very sensitive to corn. That is a very hard thing to avoid!
So, baking soda is actually sodium bicarbonate. And, I unfortunately assumed that "baking powder" was something along those lines. I did not know baking powder had ingredients! (one of them is also sodium bicarbonate). A few months ago, I found out that most baking powder has aluminum in it (something we definitely try to avoid!). So we found one without aluminum (Rumford); then, we found out about this corn sensitivity. And, I only recently discovered that baking powder also has cornstarch in it (the one in the Rumford brand is non-GMO if you are OK with corn); so, I FINALLY found a baking powder with no corn (Hain Foods). Corn is in SO MANY THINGS. My poor son. I hope that we can keep his tummy calm and continue to find "hidden" corn! I just have to look at the ingredients in everything!
I have eliminated all known harmful or carcinogenic chemicals from my household; so, I went "back to basics" (really, why did we ever stray?). I mostly use hydrogen peroxide, vinegar and baking soda to effectively clean and disinfect my home. Baking soda is my "go to" cleaner for my stove top and oven, for scouring my porcelain sink, and for cleaning the bathtub. I also use it to get burned-on gunk out of (or off of) my stainless steel pots and pans. For most of these applications, I make a "paste" (baking soda with a bit of water); but for burned on gunk, it sometimes helps to just boil water with baking soda. It is, by far, the most effective cleaner I have ever used.
It is also, thankfully, a "clean" additive in baking! As I have stated, my family is eating gluten-free and dairy-free; and, we recently found out that my youngest is very sensitive to corn. That is a very hard thing to avoid!
So, baking soda is actually sodium bicarbonate. And, I unfortunately assumed that "baking powder" was something along those lines. I did not know baking powder had ingredients! (one of them is also sodium bicarbonate). A few months ago, I found out that most baking powder has aluminum in it (something we definitely try to avoid!). So we found one without aluminum (Rumford); then, we found out about this corn sensitivity. And, I only recently discovered that baking powder also has cornstarch in it (the one in the Rumford brand is non-GMO if you are OK with corn); so, I FINALLY found a baking powder with no corn (Hain Foods). Corn is in SO MANY THINGS. My poor son. I hope that we can keep his tummy calm and continue to find "hidden" corn! I just have to look at the ingredients in everything!
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Parenting Choices
I have just finished reading, "Beyond the Sling," by Mayim Bialik, PhD (remember "Blossom"?). I had not read any books about attachment parenting before. I just knew that we were practicing this method when I heard other people talk about the principles behind it. But, I really enjoyed Ms. Bialik's book. I could relate so well to so many of her experiences, partly because she also has two boys.
What I most related to was the things other people say to us! I am a stay-at-home mom who transitioned from a full-time job to working a flexible schedule between home and office, to working 3 days/week to not working at all six weeks before I had my second child. I never knew that I wanted to stay at home. I wanted to try to continue working; but, I felt the "tug" right away. Needless to say, that was not our long-term plan.
And, we are not wealthy. When we made the choice for me to stay at home, we made other choices, too (like cutting our budget and living on a lot less!). But, no one knows these things and it is weird to ask; so, people have often told me, "it's so nice that you can do that". That still feels funny when people say it. I still have no response. But, this excerpt says more than I can:
"...I hate to burst your bubble, but we don't parent this way because we can afford to; we parent this way because, like the thousands...of families who share an attachment-theory-centered holistic philosophy, we believe in it. That means that we make choices about who works when and where based on our parenting decisions, not on our income. Families who believe in home birth, extended breastfeeding and even homeschooling are, by and large, not wealthy. They are making the decision to parent this way out of conviction and not out of financial comfort!"
"...be honest about your choices, and just as you don't want to be judged by those of us who choose to go without, don't assume we are self-righteous martyrs. Everyone does this life differently, and I try to allow everyone the dignity to make their choices without my tsk-tsking them. Usually, I succeed!" --Mayim Bialik, "Beyond the Sling".
What I most related to was the things other people say to us! I am a stay-at-home mom who transitioned from a full-time job to working a flexible schedule between home and office, to working 3 days/week to not working at all six weeks before I had my second child. I never knew that I wanted to stay at home. I wanted to try to continue working; but, I felt the "tug" right away. Needless to say, that was not our long-term plan.
And, we are not wealthy. When we made the choice for me to stay at home, we made other choices, too (like cutting our budget and living on a lot less!). But, no one knows these things and it is weird to ask; so, people have often told me, "it's so nice that you can do that". That still feels funny when people say it. I still have no response. But, this excerpt says more than I can:
"...I hate to burst your bubble, but we don't parent this way because we can afford to; we parent this way because, like the thousands...of families who share an attachment-theory-centered holistic philosophy, we believe in it. That means that we make choices about who works when and where based on our parenting decisions, not on our income. Families who believe in home birth, extended breastfeeding and even homeschooling are, by and large, not wealthy. They are making the decision to parent this way out of conviction and not out of financial comfort!"
"...be honest about your choices, and just as you don't want to be judged by those of us who choose to go without, don't assume we are self-righteous martyrs. Everyone does this life differently, and I try to allow everyone the dignity to make their choices without my tsk-tsking them. Usually, I succeed!" --Mayim Bialik, "Beyond the Sling".
Friday, October 5, 2012
Ultimate Faith
I am nervous writing these words down. What do I know? I recently had some conversations (with others) that brought these thoughts to the surface and have prompted new conversations between my husband and I (and, we have found we agree!). I hope that this comes out the way I intend. Here goes...
Every organized religion follows God's word in some way. Every bible has been interpreted in some way. Every person interprets the bible in their own way.
Let me point some things out. It is impossible to directly translate from one language to another. Impossible. There are always words and phrases open to interpretation by the interpreter. So, some intended meanings are (possibly temporarily) lost (or adjusted a bit) in translation.
Having said that, I believe that when we walk in faith (the absolute unknown) with God, there are no words to guide us, only emotion. I believe that our bibles give us amazing insight and excellent suggestions. But, sometimes I don't agree with the Bible (gasp!) How can I possibly question God's word? Well, that is not easy at all. It means we have to have faith, not just in him, but in ourselves.
Again, this is really hard to write. I am no better than anyone. But, I have beliefs that are making me shake while I write these words. I am in awe of Him. And, I believe he resides in all of us. He is not only within us; but, he surrounds us--in Nature, in others, in our abilities to create, but mostly in our love for each other.
So, I believe the "ultimate faith" is having the courage to walk with Him, not on someone else's path (interpretation), but on the path you create.
Anyone who is interested in furthering this conversation, I am open. I also recommend, "Making Room" by Christine Pohl. It has provided me wonderful insight that backs up my own beliefs.
Every organized religion follows God's word in some way. Every bible has been interpreted in some way. Every person interprets the bible in their own way.
Let me point some things out. It is impossible to directly translate from one language to another. Impossible. There are always words and phrases open to interpretation by the interpreter. So, some intended meanings are (possibly temporarily) lost (or adjusted a bit) in translation.
Having said that, I believe that when we walk in faith (the absolute unknown) with God, there are no words to guide us, only emotion. I believe that our bibles give us amazing insight and excellent suggestions. But, sometimes I don't agree with the Bible (gasp!) How can I possibly question God's word? Well, that is not easy at all. It means we have to have faith, not just in him, but in ourselves.
Again, this is really hard to write. I am no better than anyone. But, I have beliefs that are making me shake while I write these words. I am in awe of Him. And, I believe he resides in all of us. He is not only within us; but, he surrounds us--in Nature, in others, in our abilities to create, but mostly in our love for each other.
So, I believe the "ultimate faith" is having the courage to walk with Him, not on someone else's path (interpretation), but on the path you create.
Anyone who is interested in furthering this conversation, I am open. I also recommend, "Making Room" by Christine Pohl. It has provided me wonderful insight that backs up my own beliefs.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Two Recipes to Fiddle With
So, this morning, I was out of sunbutter (sunflower seed butter). I wanted toast but I did not want eggs. I had some raw sunflower seeds and my food processor and got to work. I put about 1 1/2 cups of sunflower seeds and blitzed them until they started to stick. Then, I added some sea salt and sunflower oil. After some vanilla, honey, cinnamon, a dash of allspice and lots of trial and error, I made my own sunbutter. You can too (be sure to taste after each blitzed addition).
Spiced Sunflower Seed Butter
1 1/2 cups of raw unsalted sunflower seeds (feel free to use roasted...but, unsalted)
1/2-3/4 t. sea salt (to taste)
2 T. honey (add an extra if needed)
1 t. cinnamon
1/4 t. allspice
1-2 t. vanilla (to taste)
4 T. sunflower oil
Blitz all in your food processor! Put on toast or anything else you would use with peanut butter (don't get me started on how bad peanuts are for our bodies!).
Please note that they do sell sunflower butter at our local grocer. But, I had spent so much on pantry staples on a single trip to Whole Foods, Trader Joe's and Fruitful Yield earlier this month (but, I saved by doing it all in one trip, right?) that I was determined to not buy anymore for the pantry until next month! That, I have decided is a really good way to try new recipes! Enjoy!
Dairy-Free Artichoke Spinach Spread (and pizza topping!)
This evening, I wanted to fit more veggies into our dinner of salad and pizza. So, I grabbed a can of artichokes and some frozen organic spinach (both from Trader Joe's) and some goat cheese and 2 cloves of garlic and blitzed it my trusty food processor! Result: Hello Yum!
3/4 of a bag (about 2 cups) of Trader Joe's frozen organic spinach ( I could have added the whole bag)
1 can of artichoke hearts in water (mine were from Trader Joe's)
1/4 t. sea salt
1/4 c. goat cheese
2 cloves garlic
After spreading my gf pizza dough (I like Pamela's brand) with my sauce, I dolloped this spread on the pizza (with no other cheese) and put it in the oven to finish cooking. Again, Hello Yum!
Spiced Sunflower Seed Butter
1 1/2 cups of raw unsalted sunflower seeds (feel free to use roasted...but, unsalted)
1/2-3/4 t. sea salt (to taste)
2 T. honey (add an extra if needed)
1 t. cinnamon
1/4 t. allspice
1-2 t. vanilla (to taste)
4 T. sunflower oil
Blitz all in your food processor! Put on toast or anything else you would use with peanut butter (don't get me started on how bad peanuts are for our bodies!).
Please note that they do sell sunflower butter at our local grocer. But, I had spent so much on pantry staples on a single trip to Whole Foods, Trader Joe's and Fruitful Yield earlier this month (but, I saved by doing it all in one trip, right?) that I was determined to not buy anymore for the pantry until next month! That, I have decided is a really good way to try new recipes! Enjoy!
Dairy-Free Artichoke Spinach Spread (and pizza topping!)
This evening, I wanted to fit more veggies into our dinner of salad and pizza. So, I grabbed a can of artichokes and some frozen organic spinach (both from Trader Joe's) and some goat cheese and 2 cloves of garlic and blitzed it my trusty food processor! Result: Hello Yum!
3/4 of a bag (about 2 cups) of Trader Joe's frozen organic spinach ( I could have added the whole bag)
1 can of artichoke hearts in water (mine were from Trader Joe's)
1/4 t. sea salt
1/4 c. goat cheese
2 cloves garlic
After spreading my gf pizza dough (I like Pamela's brand) with my sauce, I dolloped this spread on the pizza (with no other cheese) and put it in the oven to finish cooking. Again, Hello Yum!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Self Expectations
Recently, our nephew and his family stayed with us. My 6-year-old did not remember, until they arrived, that three of them did not speak English (including the two kids), as they live in Mexico.
I was a little surprised (mixed feelings, really...pride? protectiveness?) to find him in his room with his door closed shortly after he greeted them with a wave (instead of words). He had his Spanish-English books out, trying to figure out what words he wanted to use to communicate with them. I assured him that he would be able to easily communicate with the girls through play and that he could speak English whenever he wanted. He did not believe me at first; but, he opened up and soon no one could see the language barrier.
Today, my 3-year-old was at his library story hour (among mostly 4-year-olds). They were spelling out "a-p-p-l-e" in a variety of ways and identifying letters. When we got to the car to come home, he told me that "he wanted to do his letters on the computer" (he really likes www.starfall.com). I did not know what to say; but, I do know that I do not want to put more pressure on him than he is already putting on himself. I just want to make available to him opportunities to learn.
I was a little surprised (mixed feelings, really...pride? protectiveness?) to find him in his room with his door closed shortly after he greeted them with a wave (instead of words). He had his Spanish-English books out, trying to figure out what words he wanted to use to communicate with them. I assured him that he would be able to easily communicate with the girls through play and that he could speak English whenever he wanted. He did not believe me at first; but, he opened up and soon no one could see the language barrier.
Today, my 3-year-old was at his library story hour (among mostly 4-year-olds). They were spelling out "a-p-p-l-e" in a variety of ways and identifying letters. When we got to the car to come home, he told me that "he wanted to do his letters on the computer" (he really likes www.starfall.com). I did not know what to say; but, I do know that I do not want to put more pressure on him than he is already putting on himself. I just want to make available to him opportunities to learn.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
My Dad
Well, my dad's last visit to our naturopathic doctor was good. His trans fats are going down and his overall health is improving. His short-term memory has definitely improved and he is now down to just two medications a day. He is taking chlorella and amino acids to reduce the toxins in his body and further enable his body to heal. He experiences very little pain and sleeps well at night and gets around well during the day. We even recently got a basketball hoop for him from Freecycle (thank you again, kind lady!) because that has always been his favorite pastime. He has already enjoyed making baskets (lowered a bit; but, high enough for an ego boost!).
However, he has had a dramatic weight loss in the last few months. He only weighs 126 now (and, he is 6'2"). I honestly don't know how much he weighed in February or even last year. I do know that it seemed his weight loss was slow at first (I thought because of his eating healthier); but, it has seemed to go faster the last 3-4 months...and, obviously there is not more to lose! I was concerned about that and his muscle weakness; so, I contacted his medical doctor. She ran some blood tests which revealed some slight anemia, but nothing else. She probed him and checked his heart and lungs and said, "he does not have much time left." I started crying (thankfully, my dad was not in the room). She may be right; but, she may be wrong. Only God knows when he will take my dad home.
After consulting with my siblings (who have offered their input), we do not want to do any invasive, risky and uncomfortable tests because we also don't want him to go through treatment that could be painful in his already weakened state. I hope that I am doing the best things for him--keeping him as happy and as comfortable as I can, as long as I can. I pray that when his time comes, he is not in pain (physical or emotional) and that he is at peace. Amen.
However, he has had a dramatic weight loss in the last few months. He only weighs 126 now (and, he is 6'2"). I honestly don't know how much he weighed in February or even last year. I do know that it seemed his weight loss was slow at first (I thought because of his eating healthier); but, it has seemed to go faster the last 3-4 months...and, obviously there is not more to lose! I was concerned about that and his muscle weakness; so, I contacted his medical doctor. She ran some blood tests which revealed some slight anemia, but nothing else. She probed him and checked his heart and lungs and said, "he does not have much time left." I started crying (thankfully, my dad was not in the room). She may be right; but, she may be wrong. Only God knows when he will take my dad home.
After consulting with my siblings (who have offered their input), we do not want to do any invasive, risky and uncomfortable tests because we also don't want him to go through treatment that could be painful in his already weakened state. I hope that I am doing the best things for him--keeping him as happy and as comfortable as I can, as long as I can. I pray that when his time comes, he is not in pain (physical or emotional) and that he is at peace. Amen.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Hawai'i, The Best of
My youngest will say that his favorite part of our trip was the airplane (or, should I say airplanes...4 altogether!)...and, after he thinks about it a bit, "the bowl-cano". He also talks about the "Wiki-Wiki" bus from the airport ("wiki" means, quick).
My oldest has said that he loved snorkeling; but, I watched him soak up every minute of our trip. From experiencing the airplane, a new place, a live volcano, the underwater world and wonderful food to just chilling on the beach. My favorite was finding him often just sitting on our balcony, watching the ocean.
On our first night on the Big Island of Hawai'i, our youngest was up at 2am (7am our time!); so, my husband took him for a walk outside. My oldest and I were up by 4am; and, the sky that first night was so clear, we could see (what seemed like) the whole solar system! Unfortunately (oddly, I still think), that was the only night it was clear (not clouds, maybe pollution?).
One day, we decided to take a trip to the active volcano on the other side of the island. We got a map (the travel director pointed out all the "must-sees" along the way) and we headed to our first, "must-see"...a beautiful, scenic view (and, for the brave with a 4x4, a very steep drive to a pretty beach). It WAS beautiful; and, I am glad we saw it. But, we had a volcano to get to! Next stop, Akaka Falls (waterfalls!).
On the road to Akaka Falls, we stopped at a farmstand and bought some not possible to be fresher bananas and some homemade passionfruit lemonade. The cool thing was that he let us sample all the DIFFERENT KINDS of bananas (I recall apple bananas and sucres...but, there were more!). So, we got some of the ones we liked. The cool thing is, here at home this past week, when my boys and I went to the grocery store, they spotted some red bananas and wanted to try them (so, I bought them!). Love that! Oh, yes and Akaka Falls was breathtaking and lovely. Then, we headed to the town of Hilo for lunch.
Lunch took a looooong time (they must've been on "island time"); so, when we were done, we decided to head back to our hotel, feeling like the boys were tired and it was too late to head on to the volcano. The next day, we actually went back (straight there! no stops this time...except for the smoothie place we passed on the scenic road last time).
The volcano was amazing. It is incredible to not just know, but to SEE that the earth is ALIVE and burning inside. It was neat to hear stories and see the steam vents and realize how the islands were formed in the first place. I loved seeing it through my children's eyes.
We also felt we had to take a snorkeling trip. Our youngest loves boats and they both "practiced" snorkeling; but only our 6yo went (on a special board with a mask on which we could push him around). He was enthralled at the world under water. He had gotten an ocean creature book at the volcano gift shop the previous day and he knew what he was looking at (lots of "brain coral")! Our 3yo still loved the boat. It was a lovely day and a beautiful sail. I LOVE snorkeling and I LOVE sailing.
We spent our last full day just hanging out on the beach (me in a hammock...ahhh...I also LOVE hammocks). It could not have been more perfect and yes, we wanted to stay. We still daydream about what we could do to live there.
But, alas we had to say, "goodbye". When we went down to the beach to say goodbye to the ocean, my oldest and I had stayed behind a bit, watching a turtle (we saw many...they are so cool). And, when we looked again, that old turtle had one flipper up in the air, waving (totally serious). I showed my son that he was waving goodbye and he asked how he knew we were leaving. I said, "magic" (and, also, he MUST have heard us!). But, maybe we should have said, "See you later". We do hope to go back to Hawai'i again someday...SOON!
My oldest has said that he loved snorkeling; but, I watched him soak up every minute of our trip. From experiencing the airplane, a new place, a live volcano, the underwater world and wonderful food to just chilling on the beach. My favorite was finding him often just sitting on our balcony, watching the ocean.
On our first night on the Big Island of Hawai'i, our youngest was up at 2am (7am our time!); so, my husband took him for a walk outside. My oldest and I were up by 4am; and, the sky that first night was so clear, we could see (what seemed like) the whole solar system! Unfortunately (oddly, I still think), that was the only night it was clear (not clouds, maybe pollution?).
One day, we decided to take a trip to the active volcano on the other side of the island. We got a map (the travel director pointed out all the "must-sees" along the way) and we headed to our first, "must-see"...a beautiful, scenic view (and, for the brave with a 4x4, a very steep drive to a pretty beach). It WAS beautiful; and, I am glad we saw it. But, we had a volcano to get to! Next stop, Akaka Falls (waterfalls!).
On the road to Akaka Falls, we stopped at a farmstand and bought some not possible to be fresher bananas and some homemade passionfruit lemonade. The cool thing was that he let us sample all the DIFFERENT KINDS of bananas (I recall apple bananas and sucres...but, there were more!). So, we got some of the ones we liked. The cool thing is, here at home this past week, when my boys and I went to the grocery store, they spotted some red bananas and wanted to try them (so, I bought them!). Love that! Oh, yes and Akaka Falls was breathtaking and lovely. Then, we headed to the town of Hilo for lunch.
Lunch took a looooong time (they must've been on "island time"); so, when we were done, we decided to head back to our hotel, feeling like the boys were tired and it was too late to head on to the volcano. The next day, we actually went back (straight there! no stops this time...except for the smoothie place we passed on the scenic road last time).
The volcano was amazing. It is incredible to not just know, but to SEE that the earth is ALIVE and burning inside. It was neat to hear stories and see the steam vents and realize how the islands were formed in the first place. I loved seeing it through my children's eyes.
We also felt we had to take a snorkeling trip. Our youngest loves boats and they both "practiced" snorkeling; but only our 6yo went (on a special board with a mask on which we could push him around). He was enthralled at the world under water. He had gotten an ocean creature book at the volcano gift shop the previous day and he knew what he was looking at (lots of "brain coral")! Our 3yo still loved the boat. It was a lovely day and a beautiful sail. I LOVE snorkeling and I LOVE sailing.
We spent our last full day just hanging out on the beach (me in a hammock...ahhh...I also LOVE hammocks). It could not have been more perfect and yes, we wanted to stay. We still daydream about what we could do to live there.
But, alas we had to say, "goodbye". When we went down to the beach to say goodbye to the ocean, my oldest and I had stayed behind a bit, watching a turtle (we saw many...they are so cool). And, when we looked again, that old turtle had one flipper up in the air, waving (totally serious). I showed my son that he was waving goodbye and he asked how he knew we were leaving. I said, "magic" (and, also, he MUST have heard us!). But, maybe we should have said, "See you later". We do hope to go back to Hawai'i again someday...SOON!
Friday, July 6, 2012
Update on My Dad
Since his visit to the naturopathic doctor and implementation of the dietary changes she suggested, my dad has been doing very well mentally. His vision has also improved.
For example, this morning, before breakfast, I told him that it was going to be the hottest day of the year today and we had to be careful...and, when he finished breakfast he decided to stay inside (he usually sits outside for a bit in the morning) "because it's too hot out". His short-term memory and his awareness of us has definitely improved.
Being more aware of others, he is also his old "sensitive" self at times. For example, we walked to the car ahead of Dad so we could start the a/c; but, when he got to the car, he said, "I'm sorry I'm so slow" (that made me a little sad...but,also a little happy because he was aware of us). I was also crying about something last week and he asked me what was wrong (that made me cry some more...happy that I had a piece of "my dad").
He called me by my name for the first time since he has lived with us (a year now!).
He had a setback when he was talking gibberish one morning (I was worried and called all the docs...and, it went away while I was talking to them). We got him checked out that day; and, he did not have any infections or noticeable changes. But, over the next couple of days, I noticed some physical limitations appear. After a week, I called the doctor and they prescribed more physical therapy; so, please say a prayer for him that his physical abilities improve with his mental ones!
Thank you, God, for giving us the ability to heal him with things on Your Earth, things from Nature, especially love. We are grateful every day to have him with us (even when it is hard.). Thank you.
For example, this morning, before breakfast, I told him that it was going to be the hottest day of the year today and we had to be careful...and, when he finished breakfast he decided to stay inside (he usually sits outside for a bit in the morning) "because it's too hot out". His short-term memory and his awareness of us has definitely improved.
Being more aware of others, he is also his old "sensitive" self at times. For example, we walked to the car ahead of Dad so we could start the a/c; but, when he got to the car, he said, "I'm sorry I'm so slow" (that made me a little sad...but,also a little happy because he was aware of us). I was also crying about something last week and he asked me what was wrong (that made me cry some more...happy that I had a piece of "my dad").
He called me by my name for the first time since he has lived with us (a year now!).
He had a setback when he was talking gibberish one morning (I was worried and called all the docs...and, it went away while I was talking to them). We got him checked out that day; and, he did not have any infections or noticeable changes. But, over the next couple of days, I noticed some physical limitations appear. After a week, I called the doctor and they prescribed more physical therapy; so, please say a prayer for him that his physical abilities improve with his mental ones!
Thank you, God, for giving us the ability to heal him with things on Your Earth, things from Nature, especially love. We are grateful every day to have him with us (even when it is hard.). Thank you.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Gluten Free on a Budget
I love that there are more gluten free products (every day, it seems)...but, they all come at a cost. The cost of better ingredients can be daunting, especially for frugal moms like me!
Here are a handful of pointers that might help:
I have made my own pizza crust (thank you, "Healthy Breads in Five Minutes a Day"); but, when I don't have a few hours to let it rise, the next best thing is, "Pamela's Bread Mix" (also for pizza crust and bagels and more). There are a few different Pamela's products (I get mine from Kroger); so, be sure it is the one for pizza crust. We recently tried it and it is about half the price of buying Udi's crusts (for the same quantity of pizza, you would need 2, 2-paks of Udi's). Be careful when baking though...the 2 times I have made this, it takes much less time to cook than it notes on the package. Another money saver: I also make my own sauce...almost always...it takes like a minute (I buy the Private Selection Organic canned tomatoes from Kroger) and is always super yummy. I always start with olive oil, then fresh garlic, then tomatoes, then salt (sometimes I add basil and/or oregano, fresh or dry, to taste)...whizzed by my handy dandy immersion blender (or, with a potato masher when we are on vacation and there isn't one!)
I always buy dried beans and rice, cook them and freeze them in batches. They taste so much better and are much, much cheaper!
I try to always find gluten free bread on sale and stock the freezer! I do the same with waffles and the like. But, bread is what I buy the most...the other stuff, I prefer to make from scratch.
I find the store/s that sell the products I like (sometimes online) at the best regular price and get it when I am there. If I happen to find my favorites on sale, I always stock up.
I have lots of recipes within my blog that are gluten and/or dairy free and I like to find recipes and inspiration for new ingredients on others' blogs, too.
For nuts and dried fruit (usually plums and cranberries), and freeze-dried fruit (no sugar, easy to take anywhere, awesomely delicious), we stock up at Trader Joe's. They keep adding to their gluten free cache. They also sell unrefined coconut oil for an outrageously low price (perfect for granola or raw cookies or anything, really). They have gf pasta for less than most places and it is delish! They also sell Udi's bread there for about a dollar less than other grocery stores.
That is all I can think of for now. Do you want to share any ideas? My youngest brother and his family are going to try going gluten free to see if it helps their allergies! Say a little prayer. Frugally good eating!
Here are a handful of pointers that might help:
I have made my own pizza crust (thank you, "Healthy Breads in Five Minutes a Day"); but, when I don't have a few hours to let it rise, the next best thing is, "Pamela's Bread Mix" (also for pizza crust and bagels and more). There are a few different Pamela's products (I get mine from Kroger); so, be sure it is the one for pizza crust. We recently tried it and it is about half the price of buying Udi's crusts (for the same quantity of pizza, you would need 2, 2-paks of Udi's). Be careful when baking though...the 2 times I have made this, it takes much less time to cook than it notes on the package. Another money saver: I also make my own sauce...almost always...it takes like a minute (I buy the Private Selection Organic canned tomatoes from Kroger) and is always super yummy. I always start with olive oil, then fresh garlic, then tomatoes, then salt (sometimes I add basil and/or oregano, fresh or dry, to taste)...whizzed by my handy dandy immersion blender (or, with a potato masher when we are on vacation and there isn't one!)
I always buy dried beans and rice, cook them and freeze them in batches. They taste so much better and are much, much cheaper!
I try to always find gluten free bread on sale and stock the freezer! I do the same with waffles and the like. But, bread is what I buy the most...the other stuff, I prefer to make from scratch.
I find the store/s that sell the products I like (sometimes online) at the best regular price and get it when I am there. If I happen to find my favorites on sale, I always stock up.
I have lots of recipes within my blog that are gluten and/or dairy free and I like to find recipes and inspiration for new ingredients on others' blogs, too.
For nuts and dried fruit (usually plums and cranberries), and freeze-dried fruit (no sugar, easy to take anywhere, awesomely delicious), we stock up at Trader Joe's. They keep adding to their gluten free cache. They also sell unrefined coconut oil for an outrageously low price (perfect for granola or raw cookies or anything, really). They have gf pasta for less than most places and it is delish! They also sell Udi's bread there for about a dollar less than other grocery stores.
That is all I can think of for now. Do you want to share any ideas? My youngest brother and his family are going to try going gluten free to see if it helps their allergies! Say a little prayer. Frugally good eating!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Let's Talk about the Naturopathic Doctor!
I took my father to see a Naturopathic Doctor a couple of weeks ago. My dad had a stroke in 2008 and has dementia, high blood pressure, diabetes, glaucoma and a few other things. But, since getting him off about 6 medications recently, I have seen a drastic improvement in his health. Even though I already knew the benefits of healing outside the pharmaceutical/chemical world, I was not sure my dad could still be helped.
I am now more optimistic. This doctor assessed my Dad's health and prescribed a probiotic because he has a build up of yeast in his body. She recommended a gluten free and dairy free diet (also, no sugar and very little meat) so that his body can focus on healing, which she said IS POSSIBLE. It is possible to heal blocked arteries, high blood pressure, diabetes, cataracts (and lots of other things!) just by changing your diet! She recommended organic whenever possible to minimize any chemicals interfering with natural body functions (including personal care products...remember what goes ON our bodies still goes IN!). She said Dad has a build up of trans fats in his body which need to be minimized by increasing his consumption of vegetables (raw is best, steamed is next, roasted is next...after that, there are not many nutrients left). Fortunately, we already do many of these things...we just had to take it to the next level.
After he is on this diet for a couple of months, she wants to work on reducing the metals in his body that are furthering his dementia. When we reduce the metals, we can slow it down.
I look forward to keeping you posted on his progress. I like learning more about how to care for my dad because it also helps me take better care of myself and the rest of my family!
I am now more optimistic. This doctor assessed my Dad's health and prescribed a probiotic because he has a build up of yeast in his body. She recommended a gluten free and dairy free diet (also, no sugar and very little meat) so that his body can focus on healing, which she said IS POSSIBLE. It is possible to heal blocked arteries, high blood pressure, diabetes, cataracts (and lots of other things!) just by changing your diet! She recommended organic whenever possible to minimize any chemicals interfering with natural body functions (including personal care products...remember what goes ON our bodies still goes IN!). She said Dad has a build up of trans fats in his body which need to be minimized by increasing his consumption of vegetables (raw is best, steamed is next, roasted is next...after that, there are not many nutrients left). Fortunately, we already do many of these things...we just had to take it to the next level.
After he is on this diet for a couple of months, she wants to work on reducing the metals in his body that are furthering his dementia. When we reduce the metals, we can slow it down.
I look forward to keeping you posted on his progress. I like learning more about how to care for my dad because it also helps me take better care of myself and the rest of my family!
Gluten Free Dairy Free Banana Cake ROCKS
This is a recipe from glutenfreegoddess.com; but, we put different frosting on it. My boys and my dad helped make it ...and, it still turned out totally awesome! :) Loved it. I promise you will, too.
1 1/2 cups almonds
1 1/2 cups almonds
1/2 cup brown rice flour (sub your fave)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon Apple Pie Spice (a blend of cinnamon, nutmeg and allspice) add more or less for spiciness
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
2 large organic eggs
1/3 cup light olive oil
2 T. honey or raw organic agave nectar
(we used honey)
(we used honey)
1 1/3 cups organic light brown sugar
(We have put in as little as 1/3 of a cup and it is still amazing...we might try not adding any sugar...just a little honey goes a long way!)
(We have put in as little as 1/3 of a cup and it is still amazing...we might try not adding any sugar...just a little honey goes a long way!)
4 medium (not too big) very ripe bananas, cut up and mashed into puree
2 teaspoons bourbon vanilla extract
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 350ºF. Prep a 9 x 13 baking pan by lining it with greased parchment (I butter the pan, put in parchment, then butter the parchment..."butter" being, organic Earth Balance)
Preheat oven to 350ºF. Prep a 9 x 13 baking pan by lining it with greased parchment (I butter the pan, put in parchment, then butter the parchment..."butter" being, organic Earth Balance)
Process the almonds in food processor by pulsing on and off until a
fine almond meal is formed. Pour the almond meal into a dry mixing bowl. Add the rest of the dry ingredients and whisk to combine.
In a separate bowl beat the eggs and add the rest of the wet ingredients. Beat well. I just used a spoon...I don't like to use more than one "machine" per recipe.
Add the dry ingredients into the wet. Blend well (2 minutes).
Pour the batter into prepared pan and bake in preheated
oven for 33 to 35 minutes until done. Check the center with a wooden toothpick.
Cool the cake completely on a wire rack before frosting.
For the frosting, I just wiped out the food processor (from the almonds) and blended the following:
1 small banana (yellow/brown, just ripe)
1 1/2 cups organic powdered sugar
1/4 t. lemon juice
2 T. organic Earth Balance and 1 T. coconut oil (sub any combo)
It was super yummy drizzled over the top of this moist, delicious (like pudding!) cake.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Gluten Free Dairy Free Brownies
I have been tinkering with brownie recipes ever since I found out I was sensitive to gluten. This one is by far the best!
1/2 cup coconut oil, melted
5 T unsweetened cocoa powder
1 c. brown sugar
1/2 t. sea salt
2 eggs
1/2 c. almond flour
1/4 c. coconut flour
optional chocolate chips (we added) and/or nuts
Mix all in a bowl, spread into an 8x8 pan, put in preheated 350 degree oven for 30 minutes. Cool, cut and serve!
1/2 cup coconut oil, melted
5 T unsweetened cocoa powder
1 c. brown sugar
1/2 t. sea salt
2 eggs
1/2 c. almond flour
1/4 c. coconut flour
optional chocolate chips (we added) and/or nuts
Mix all in a bowl, spread into an 8x8 pan, put in preheated 350 degree oven for 30 minutes. Cool, cut and serve!
Paradigm Shift
My husband and I have always used what is termed, "positive discipline", in modern parenting books. Having said that, let me also say that we are not perfect and have resorted to other (er, negative) methods when we were at the end of our rope. Generally though, we have tried anything but the infliction of pain. We believe that it sets a poor example and we feel it was used on us (as children) out of frustration, not thoughtful redirection.
However, our oldest son has been saying, "no more punishments!" (such as getting his Legos taken away or time to himself in his room) for awhile now. And, we had been reluctant (but still open) to try it. We want to teach our children to recognize, express and manage their feelings on their own. We believe this skill will enable them to handle whatever life throws at them as they become more independent.
Then, in church on Sunday, inspiration struck (it happens!) and my husband and I discussed "no more punishments!" when we got home and implemented it that day. Since then, my children aren't fighting back. They are doing things when asked and without being asked. They are being more thoughtful. We say that it is "OK to be angry; but, it is not OK to be mean". They aren't being AS mean. I don't know where this will go or how long it will last; but, I like this new direction. We are open. The most amazing things come from our children.
However, our oldest son has been saying, "no more punishments!" (such as getting his Legos taken away or time to himself in his room) for awhile now. And, we had been reluctant (but still open) to try it. We want to teach our children to recognize, express and manage their feelings on their own. We believe this skill will enable them to handle whatever life throws at them as they become more independent.
Then, in church on Sunday, inspiration struck (it happens!) and my husband and I discussed "no more punishments!" when we got home and implemented it that day. Since then, my children aren't fighting back. They are doing things when asked and without being asked. They are being more thoughtful. We say that it is "OK to be angry; but, it is not OK to be mean". They aren't being AS mean. I don't know where this will go or how long it will last; but, I like this new direction. We are open. The most amazing things come from our children.
Friday, February 3, 2012
One of My Greatest Joys
This morning, my youngest son awoke long before 6 and wanted to get up; so, I did. We came downstairs in the pitch black so that we did not wake up anyone else. Then, we sat on the sofa and snuggled (which he usually resists); and, soon he was back to sleep. I was afraid to move and wake him; but, I got comfortable and watched him sleep until the sun and everyone else awoke.
That is one of my greatest joys...to marvel at my children sleeping...to be able to comfort them and hold them in my arms. I love them dearly.
When he roused again, he happily popped up and said, "Where's my brother?". Maybe he was playing with his brother in his dreams.
That is one of my greatest joys...to marvel at my children sleeping...to be able to comfort them and hold them in my arms. I love them dearly.
When he roused again, he happily popped up and said, "Where's my brother?". Maybe he was playing with his brother in his dreams.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Forgiveness Fell on Me
I had been reading about the process of forgiveness. I was working through some things for which I did not know I had to forgive my father. I was upset with both my parents; but, my father is the one living with me...the one in my care...the one I see every day...the one whom I have now forgiven.
There was no process. No working through it.
Some advice rattled around my head, though. I read, "Forgiveness is about you. It is not about them." I know/knew my dad is/was not capable of even recognizing the need, let alone remembering the deeds (I believe that is good...now). In case you don't remember, my dad had a stroke in 2008, which left him with very little memory of the last 30 years...and, dementia. How could I not have already forgiven him? I felt awful. Then, forgiveness fell on me.
I watched my dad have a "mini-stroke". That was awful. I was scared--not sure if it was for me or for him. I may have been thinking, "how could I let him die without forgiving him?" I was not conscious of those thoughts. I was too busy yelling out to my unresponsive father that I love him...while crying...and, yelling for my husband to call the paramedics.
My dad has been home for a little over a week. It has been hard; but, yesterday, I felt happy. It must be relief from not carrying around that baggage anymore. Thank you, God.
There was no process. No working through it.
Some advice rattled around my head, though. I read, "Forgiveness is about you. It is not about them." I know/knew my dad is/was not capable of even recognizing the need, let alone remembering the deeds (I believe that is good...now). In case you don't remember, my dad had a stroke in 2008, which left him with very little memory of the last 30 years...and, dementia. How could I not have already forgiven him? I felt awful. Then, forgiveness fell on me.
I watched my dad have a "mini-stroke". That was awful. I was scared--not sure if it was for me or for him. I may have been thinking, "how could I let him die without forgiving him?" I was not conscious of those thoughts. I was too busy yelling out to my unresponsive father that I love him...while crying...and, yelling for my husband to call the paramedics.
My dad has been home for a little over a week. It has been hard; but, yesterday, I felt happy. It must be relief from not carrying around that baggage anymore. Thank you, God.
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