I don't mean to portray myself as "having it all together". Because I don't. But, I don't give up. I don't want to stop trying to do better, to be better (but, that is a relative term). Generally, I am just trying to focus on the positive. But, I also really don't like looking like the total mess that I am. For example...
Last Friday. My husband was out of town for a conference, after having had evening commitments the previous 3 days. So, our house was pretty messy and the boys were "out of sorts" (missing their dad) AND, my 6 month-old baby was having trouble sleeping (teething, tummy ache, growth milestone, stuffy nose, all of the above, I don't know); therefore, I had also not slept in 2 nights (by Sunday, it would be 4 nights and my immune system could no longer fight a nasty cold anymore; but, I digress). I was CRANKY.
My mom and sister and niece were visiting (because my mom was going home Saturday)after having to cancel on Thursday. So, the boys were helping me pick up all the itty bitty Legos and marbles from the floor in between doing our schoolwork that morning. So, we have lunch and visit with them until they have to leave (all the while I am apologizing for being cranky). Then, the baby, who has also had trouble napping today, finally goes down for a nap. Ahhh. For a minute.
Because then I realized I would have to prep dinner because I was on my own and I had to take son #2 to Tae Kwon Do (I tried to convince him that it might be best if we skip this one time; but, that didn't go well and he shouldn't miss honoring his commitment and he likes it...yadayadayada). So, I told him we could only go if the baby wakes. So, the baby woke up and OH! look at that, if we RUN, we can even get to the library before it closes (what was I thinking?). So, we RAN to the freezing car (our next one will have remote start) and then I ran into the library to drop off our books and pick up some things on hold and I ran back to the car and we continued to Tae Kwon Do. We took off our boots (phew, no holey socks today) and hung our coats and scarves (all the things covering my bedraggled self) and my son started his class while I and the other 2 boys sat and watched.
Then, the owner (and my son's Master/teacher) came to talk to me. He asked about my husband and cooed with the baby and told me about his youngest. A few more minutes went by and I finally looked down at myself (possibly for the first time all day). I had BOTH breastfeeding pads sticking out of my shirt (they are supposed to be tucked away in my bra for those of you who may still be childless or don't breastfeed, etc.). Oh. My. Goodness. Then, I was SO TIRED/not thinking/I don't know, I just adjusted those puppies and put them back in place (I have no idea who could see me). I also had no makeup on (probably making me look even more tired. I am not sure if I brushed my hair that day. My pants had a hole in the knee that wasn't there in the morning. Sigh.
We just continued watching the class until it was finished and we RAN home to eat a late dinner and went to bed without playtime (they weren't being punished but that is hard to understand when you are 5...it's just because it was already late). And, sigh again, everyone is asleep so then the baby woke up. And, I rush to get myself ready for bed. I think I spoke incoherently to my husband on the phone before falling asleep. Sigh.
I could try again; but, I might not ever get a perfectly messy day like that again. And, frankly, I would prefer it that way.
