Hardest of Choices

Well, the good news is that my father was discharged from hospice care two months ago.  The hardest choice I have ever had to make is deciding what is best for everyone now.  After much praying and deliberation, we have decided to move my dad to a care facility.

I spent a lot of time researching this possibility.  The care facility I liked the most because of its people (and care) was in the process of a much-needed renovation.  The renovations are complete and perfect (for dad).  The facility is very serene and pleasant and comfortable.  We hope that dad continues to thrive there when we bring him later this month.

In my mind, I know this is the best thing for my family, including my dad.  But, in my heart, I am still torn.  I love my dad and he has become a big part of my life and a bigger part of my family in the last two years (actually five, since his stroke) that he has been in our home.  So, I struggle.

My husband even suggested that we take dad to the care facility for 10 days a month and keep him home the rest of the month (to try to get the "best of both worlds").  But, that takes a lot of work to move him back and forth; and, ultimately, would be very hard on dad (because of his dementia).

So, I end in gratitude.  I am grateful that my dad will still be close to home so that we can visit him.  I am grateful that as his abilities inevitably decline, he will have all the care he needs.  I am grateful for all the memories we have created in the last two years.  I am grateful to have seen some healing (in my dad and in myself).  I am most grateful for the entirely humbling journey of caring for my dependent father.  Thank you, Dad.  I love you.  Always.