"I Love You"

Big.  Heavy words.  Weighted.  Always hard to say the first time, especially when you put SO MUCH of yourself into THOSE WORDS.  I love you.  It's simple and so difficult.  It's freeing and all-consuming.  Love is beautiful.  Yet, SO MANY OF US (myself included) are so uncomfortable with these three, beautiful, amazing words.

Our parents never told us, "I love you."  Not my parents.  Not my husband's parents.  I don't remember if we made a conscious choice to be different (very possible); but, it definitely happened organically that we have no trouble telling each other and our children, "I love you", many times per day.  It's a wonderful feeling to know that we are loved and that WE LOVE EACH OTHER.  I know that people outside of our home and outside of our nuclear family love us, too.  That is where cultural "norms" make it harder (I think) to accept the, "I love you" received from friends and extended family (or from the daughter/granddaughter/niece/aunt) that may or may not hear it in return.  It is also harder to voice our emotion, not knowing what is expected (just like in any relationship).  Anyone else hate "norms"? 

We know that we SHOULD love everyone, even our enemies, right?  So, why is it so hard to EXPRESS our emotion?  Is it seen as a sign of weakness?  LOVE IS POWERFUL.  Why would showing LOVE be seen as weak?  I get it.  I know.  It makes us vulnerable.  We are not sure if we will be loved in return. 

Well, I am here to tell you that, VULNERABLE is the BEST place I have EVER been.  Really.  It wasn't until I opened myself up to LOVING someone else (my husband, then again with each child), that I could TRULY experience WHAT LOVE IS.  I am still on my journey, and I am still enjoying what LOVING OTHERS does for me!  Sorry if this sounds selfish.

Each day/month/year, with the people I truly feel love toward, I take a "leap" and tell them that I love them.  I did not realize I was doing this until looking back.  But, the more I do it, the better it feels.  It usually starts in writing (that's easier...and, a little cowardly, I know); and, then, I drum up the courage to say it on the phone.  Eventually, I can more easily say it in person.  I still don't know why it is so hard.  But, I keep going.

Maybe, someday, I will be telling everyone, "I love you."  Starting now.  Consider yourself loved.  By me.  Just for reading this.  Thank you.  I love you.

Happy New Year!

Instead of "resolutions", per se, we like to make incremental changes toward what we imagine for our lives.  I love the "fresh slate" feeling that a new year provides.   My goal as mother and COO of our household is, ultimately, to enable us all to be happy and healthy and to never stop learning. 

Personally, I have a goal of drinking more tea in 2014.  I just love the warm, nourishing mug and the time I take to sit and drink it (even if it is just five minutes).

We also want to make sure, even when it is cold, to get outside every day.

As a family, we are trying to ensure we spend special time with each child, to give us one-on-one time (for them and for us, for school/learning, for fun and, for love).

We also want to have a more specific budget for once-a-year expenses, like license plate stickers and Christmas presents, instead of relying on our "emergency" funds for these already-anticipated expenses.

We are also saving for a road trip that we were not able to take in 2013, visiting many of our family members (and some friends) along the way.

My 7yo said he "wants to save his money this year" (he gets $1/week allowance).  I think he changed his mind a few minutes after he made the declaration.

We are grateful for the abundance we already enjoy; and, we look forward to what this year has in store.  Happy New Year!