Forgiveness Fell on Me

I had been reading about the process of forgiveness.  I was working through some things for which I did not know I had to forgive my father.  I was upset with both my parents; but, my father is the one living with me...the one in my care...the one I see every day...the one whom I have now forgiven.

There was no process.  No working through it. 

Some advice rattled around my head, though.  I read, "Forgiveness is about you.  It is not about them."  I know/knew my dad is/was not capable of even recognizing the need, let alone remembering the deeds (I believe that is good...now).  In case you don't remember, my dad had a stroke in 2008, which left him with very little memory of the last 30 years...and, dementia.  How could I not have already forgiven him?  I felt awful.  Then, forgiveness fell on me.

I watched my dad have a "mini-stroke".  That was awful.  I was scared--not sure if it was for me or for him.  I may have been thinking, "how could I let him die without forgiving him?"  I was not conscious of those thoughts.  I was too busy yelling out to my unresponsive father that I love him...while crying...and, yelling for my husband to call the paramedics.

My dad has been home for a little over a week.  It has been hard; but, yesterday, I felt happy.  It must be relief from not carrying around that baggage anymore.  Thank you, God.