Back to the Drawing Boards

A little over a year ago, we purchased a second dry erase board easel for our then-3-year-old for his half birthday present.  He LOVED it!  I could tell by his reaction how special he felt (his older brother had one that he always wanted to use).  But, I put it right NEXT to his big brother's easel board.  So, after witnessing him comparing his own drawings to the intricate drawings of his brother's; I sighed (to myself) and felt that his drawing would improve with practice.

Except, he STOPPED practicing.  He did not draw on this board that he LOVED.  He must have felt inadequate somehow.  This made me so sad. 

UNTIL, I had a light bulb moment!  I turned around both easels so they were back-to-back (or, chalkboard to chalkboard, LOL) so that he could no longer easily compare his drawings to those of his brother.  I did not show him or tell him what I did.  I just waited.

I feel like it happened slowly.  One day, my now 4 1/2 year old just started drawing on "his" board and kept doing it, more and more frequently, until his drawings began to take shape!  He now has very detailed drawings and does not try (as much) to just make what his older brother is making.

It is rare that a day goes by that he does not draw on his board.  He is happy and engaged and PROUD of his drawings.  Me too.

Health Update

Me, first.  I am healing-in so many ways.  I discovered that my vitamins (that I had been taking for about a year) had raw onions in them.  I have been allergic to raw onions my whole life.  I feel so foolish for not checking into that sooner.  I started new vitamins a little over a month ago and I have had many good days in the last few weeks.  I even had an awesomely "normal" week after I went to my chiropractor.  I am still healing.  I feel so much better, though.  My skin has started to look better, too (bonus!).

I am trying to stress less (as recommended by...everyone).  I make it a point to exercise and I may have a new yoga buddy!  If we can go to yoga at least once a week (and hold each other accountable for going); I think we will be happier mamas!  I LOVE savasana at the end of practice.  Healing happens in those 10 minutes of meditation and complete relaxation (it is also called, "corpse pose"!).  I also love being social and I have been making a point to get together with friends more often (it's not easy with busy mamas!).  

We have not invited people over at all for about a year.  It was just awkward and hard (with my dad in hospice care and us not wanting to disturb his rhythm).  We LOVE cooking for our friends (and having them cook for us! *grin*) and we miss it.  So, we have started doing that more.

I also did not realize how much "space" caring for my dad had taken in my head.  I don't know how better to describe this.  But, I am so grateful for that extra "space".  I feel a little guilty admitting that.  I love my dad with all my heart and it was worth giving him some of my "space" for a while.

Next, my dad.  He is slowing down.  Hospice says they can't see it; but, I can.  The last report from them was, "his vitals are good and...he's gaining weight!".  The same nurse that is seeing him had claimed that I might need to give dad more food (a few months ago).  We gave him as much as he would eat (A LOT!) and did not change a thing when he started gaining weight in late May (up 13 pounds by mid-July!).  He has gained about 5 more pounds since then.  My concern is that he is gaining "water weight" because of his declining kidneys.  Hospice doesn't think so.  So, I just continue to pray.

I pray for my dad to know true peace.  I pray for him to know true comfort.  I pray for him to know true love.  I pray for him to experience these things on earth, while he is still with us.  I pray for him to leave this world before he declines too much to function.  I pray for peace for me and all my family.  I pray to feel God's presence with us all, through it all.  Amen.

 

"42" and "Obamacare"

My husband and I just watched a wonderful (and tremendously sad) movie about the story of Jackie Robinson, called "42".  I cried during parts of the movie.  My stomach lurched during parts where the racism was so palpable, it hurt.  Mr. Robinson was so brave. His story was triumphant.  He came before Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, Jr.  He came before Barack Obama.

The sad, sickening part is that we still live with racism (and sexism and ageism) and I think that is crazy and awful.  Why does hate exist?  What makes a person think that another person was not created equal? What makes someone think that people should be treated as "less than" (less than them, less than human at worst)?  There is nothing more blinding than hatred.  We are all God's children; therefore, we are all equal.  Our socioeconomic status does not matter.  Our sex does not matter.  The color of our skin does not matter.  Our religion does not matter.  I know that is easy to say.  But, that is what I really believe.  I know many, many other people believe it, too.  More and more, I would like to believe.

Love thy neighbor.  There are no qualifiers.

I have experienced discrimination at times.  Because I am female.  Because of sexist comments.  I have even experienced discrimination because of my Mexican married name, Ruvalcaba.  But, what I have experienced in my 38 years is NOTHING compared to the HATE that many people have endured for generations.  I just can't imagine.

I am not an expert in what is happening in our government; but, it looks pretty messy to me.  Sometimes it makes me cry.  Sometimes it makes my stomach lurch.  The racism in Washington is palpable.

It is crazy to me to discover that what is being billed as "Obamacare" was started by Republicans.  And, now, for some reason, they are doing everything they can to try to stop it.  What?  This makes no sense.

Remember when we were NOT required to have auto insurance? (for those of you who are younger, there was a time.) Has anyone ever been burned when they were in an accident with someone who did not have insurance?  Then, we balked a little when every driver was required to have insurance; but, those of us that already had insurance did not see a big difference (except there were no tax credits for it).  In fact, I feel like my rates have been about the same for 20 years!  If memory serves, I am paying less today than I was 10 years ago.

And so it goes with health insurance.  We are paying for the uninsured.  We may not notice it in the overly complicated medical billing process (to make up for the discrepancies, our bills to our insurance companies are supremely "marked up"); but, WE (the insured) are paying at least 1000% over the ACTUAL cost (sometimes more!).  And, you thought retail mark-ups were high!  So, because our insurance companies pay these inflated costs, they of course, want to make money, so they increase our rates.  Don't you see?  This has to stop.  Everyone needs to be insured.

The best way to do that is to make it AFFORDABLE (Obamacare).  We still have choices.  We just have to be insured.  From what I have read, a LOT of thought has gone into this.  There are tax credits to offset the cost of insurance.  The choices are better.  The private companies are going to HAVE to be more competitive because the public is making more INFORMED choices.  We (the public) have had to educate ourselves over the last few years as we analyzed all of our health care costs because it is one of our biggest expenses (in my house, at least).

In my home, we start with prevention.  We choose to go to the doctor less.  We eat pretty "clean" (very little processed food, almost all organic).  We exercise.  We go to the chiropractor regularly (this has helped us greatly with our immune system and allergies).  We pay more for food to be healthier.  It is the best investment for my family.  It is the most important thing to us.

Back to Jackie Robinson.  And, OUR President Barack Obama.  Thank you, both, for helping to change the world (and so many others).  Thank you for helping us to see the whole world in color.  There should be no "black" and "white".  Ever.  Two men, doing/did the best they can/could, to make the world a little better.

"Obamacare" makes perfect sense.  So does a world full of color!

Fear

I am inspired to write about fear after reading Glennon Doyle Melton's, "Carry On Warrior. Thoughts on Life Unarmed".  By the way, I loved her words, her stories, and her.  She is authentic and "brutiful" (she says life is brutal and beautiful, therefore...).  A friend just told me she also loved Melton's book and she currently can't stop reading books by Brene Brown.  Brene Brown!  I loved her TED talk on "Vulnerability".  I am definitely reading her books!

Oh!  I just found one of her books, "The gifts of imperfection : let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are".  Totally reading THAT one.

So, regarding fear, I first thought about my children.  I have been reading "Homeschooling Education Magazine" lately; and, many of their contributors write about trusting in your children and letting them take the lead for their education.  I know in my heart that this is what I want to do; but, we are not quite there yet.  We get closer every day, though.  Really. (Fear!)

One recent article described offering children the opportunity to not only have EXPERIENCES (field trips, nature walks, etc.); but, to also give them freedom to experience ADVENTURES (letting them go on their own and see what amazing things can happen).  I already believed this; but, I am grateful to see it in writing.  Looking back, I can see some moments I have "let go". 

When my kids were learning to walk, they wanted to climb our stairs (of course).  So, I let them (I was right there with them, helping them; but, I got farther and farther away until I knew they could do it alone).  Ironically, learning how to go up was easier for them than learning how to go down.

After the stairs came the playground.  They both wanted to climb the tricky rope ladder at an early age, so I let them.  I was right there if they needed me; but, they did a pretty darn good job on their own!

I have taught my children to cross the street properly (even the alley behind our house is treated as a street, of course!).  So, I feel confident that they will look and listen in both directions (or all 4) before they cross any street.  Therefore, when my oldest was 5, (after having walked him both ways a few times for his half-hour piano lesson), I let him go by himself (It's just about a block away).  I also let my boys walk together to a friend's house nearby, crossing two streets and just beyond my view (eek!).

I also trust my oldest son on his own at the library.  But, the library has a rule that you have to be 8 to be on your own (he has been on his own frequently since he was 5).  There was one unfortunate time (recently!) that for some reason (even though he could see our car out the window) he thought we had left him at the library (I had, in fact, taken his brother and cousins to the movie section).  So, he was crying and the library lady glared at me.  After that, I FOUND OUT about the 8 year old "on your own" age requirement by way of signs posted in the library.  Ugh.

Looking forward, I need to make a conscious effort with my boys.  I want to continue to connect with them and truly trust them.  I picture a fishing line and reel; but, I don't know if that is quite the right analogy.  I often let them go and "reel them in" if necessary.  We have a "rule" (I don't really like that word) that you have freedom until you break the rules (be respectful and don't harm anyone or anything).  But, then there are the times that they "swim away" (I let go) and then they "swim back" (phew).

I do these things because I KNOW they are going to be OK.  God tells me.  Sometimes not in words.  But, sometimes I REALLY DO hear a voice that I don't expect.  He lets me know everything is going to be OK.  I would never intentionally put my kids in danger.  I KNOW when I should avoid certain situations.  God tells me.  He is also with my kids.  They know it, too.  In fact, I still remember one time when I got up at night to use the bathroom; and, when I returned, my sleepy youngest son said, "I wasn't scared, mommy.  God stayed with me."

Then, I started thinking about myself.  I have often taken on challenges and conquered my fears.

For example, in high school I suffered from low self-esteem.  It did not help when I was called upon to read aloud in Honors English.  I often STOPPED BREATHING as I read (I do not know why but, fear struck hearing just my voice in the super-quiet classroom) and then, I began HYPERVENTILATING before I finished the selection (which made my whole body shake and made my voice come out even quieter and probably a bit squeaky).  That was EMBARRASSING.  I had to take speech class, too.  I had to do better.  I was not great at it; but, I was always complemented on my speeches (by the people who sat in front and could actually hear me). 

So, in college, I took two more speech classes.  Then, at my first "real job", I was asked by our manager to do the employee orientation and Radisson guest service training.  I did it.  Many times.  And, I loved it so much I decided that was what I wanted to do, that was what I liked most about my job.  So, I met a guy who was Vice President of Lettuce Entertain You (a successful restaurant group based in Chicago).  He was staying at the hotel and a good friend of mine was working for him.  He gave me his card.  So, when I wanted to move back to Chicago (because I was not "feeling it" in Champaign, IL), I called that guy (oh, the fear!) and asked if he had a training manager job for me.

I quit my job and moved to Chicago with just an interview scheduled for the next day (fear!).  I went to the interview, he hired me and I started training at a restaurant (Ben Pao) where the training manager was leaving (or, she was supposed to leave and never did; but, that is another story).

In college, I did ALOT of things that I was afraid to do.  Just going to college was scary.  First day, in the dorms, did not know a SOUL.  Scary.  I walked most places, even at night (and, of course, I lived in the dorms on the opposite end of campus from my architecture studio).  I was always alert; but, not ever afraid (God was always with me and I know that now). 

My favorite story is joining the Falling Illini.  My mom had a boyfriend (that I disliked greatly) that was a skydiver.  I thought, if that coward (forgive me, he was the only person in the world that ever socked me in the face) can jump out of a plane, I can do it, too.  So, one of my sorority sisters and I (I hope you are doing well, Julie!) went to Vandalia, IL to go through the training and do our first jump.  (FEAR! FEAR! FEAR!).  We did a "static line" jump, where you have to CRAWL OUT ONTO THE WING OF THE PLANE AND LET GO (what was I thinking?).  It was AWESOME!  Then, one of my good friends and HER sorority sister wanted to do it; so, I went with them.  My first jump that day, they were still in training; so, they watched as I careened to the earth with my broken radio (and it had been at least a year since my first jump) and tried to remember how to land.  I ended up in a corn field; but, honestly, it was the softest landing I remember.  They laughed.  I thought it was GREAT!  Then, I jumped with them later in the day.  Three times.  Jumped from a plane.  I DID it!

I am discovering more things about myself each year (I wish I could say each day).  I have done many more things that I was afraid to do and I hope I continue to do things that scare me.  Most recently, I was VERY AFRAID to take in my dad (who suffered a stroke about 5 years ago and has dementia).  He lived with us for two years and I WAS EVEN MORE AFRAID to move him out one month ago.  But, I did it.

I don't see the things I learn until I look back on the things I was afraid to do.  I was VERY AFRAID to write a blog.  We'll see how that goes.  LOL.  But, I discover so much about myself and about the world.  I discover what I am MEANT to do and I plan to help my children conquer their fears and find their own ways.  God is WITH us.  He is part of us and he is with us, always.  He will help you to conquer your fears.  You are NOT ALONE.

Happy Anniversary, My Love!

Today marks 10 years since the day I wed my wonderful husband.  Through all the ups and downs, these have been the best years of my life.

We have challenges and we see them.  We acknowledge them.  We work on them.  Together. 

We have triumphs and joys and laughter and a lot of love.  We have two wonderful gifts (our children)

I love you my dear, sweet husband!  Happy Anniversary.

I look forward to celebrating with you when I get home!

Leaving for the Weekend

It was really, really stressful for me the first time I left my kids for the weekend (one year ago).  Maybe one of the reasons they call it, "attachment parenting" is because I am attached to THEM. 

The good thing is that it also led to a one-night getaway this spring for my husband and me.  That was a wonderful time to reconnect.  Now, I know why other parents suggest it!

And, I am getting ready to leave again.  Just three days; but, it is still hard.  After caring for my dad for two years, everyone says this is good for me.  I am keeping that in mind.  I don't feel AS stressed- especially because my husband does not also have to care for my Dad.

It also helps that we have a celebration planned for Sunday (when I return) centered around my Dad and my brother's homecoming, who was first in Korea and now in Alaska (serving in the Air Force).

I am almost packed.  My friend (and ride to the airport) is coming soon.  I am ready for this America in Bloom symposium.  And, I will miss my boys (and my husband!) but, I know they will have fun.  I love them.

Imperfection

I used to strive for perfection.  I never attained it; but, I never stopped trying. Then, "it" happened slowly.  Starting 7 (or so) years ago (my oldest is 7), I stopped trying to make sure everything was perfect all the time.  I just recently noticed this.  And, I believe I am the better for it.

Less stressing.  Less worrying (especially about what others think/say/do to me).  Less lying awake at night.  Trying to be a lot less self-centered.  The quest for perfection was a selfish and lonely one.  A sad one.

When striving for perfection, I would gloss over my mistakes (instead of learning from them).  There are so many other things I missed out on.  I feel good about this imperfect journey.

I am trying to accept me as I am.  All my mistakes (tons!).  All my faults (eek!).  All my love.  All of me.  And, I am trying to teach my children to do the same.

I desperately want my children to see how wonderfully imperfect they are.  And, we thank God every day for all the gifts He has given them (all the challenges, all the wonders, all the opportunities to be forgiven, everything).

Imperfection is the new "perfect".